I approach table 33 with the beverages for the party of six that anxiously awaits my return. It is customary to call out items as you serve them to guests at our restaurant. I start with the ladies, "Iced tea.....pink lemonade....and water no ice for grandma!". Now I hand out drinks to the neanderthal brothers and their father, "Coke....coke......and diet coke." As I get ready to tell the table about our exciting specials for the evening I hear a vacuum sucking noise from one of the neanderthal brothers as he inhales his coke. "I need another coke!", shouts the Cretan.
As I stand at the table dumbfounded like a deer staring into headlights of an oncoming truck, I think about what the kid shouted out. My first thought is to ignore this little monster and do my nightly specials schpiel. As I start talking about the fish of the night this little prick starts jiggling the ice in his Coke-free glass, "Ummmmm, my drink!" the kid says again. I look at the parents to see if they are aware of the code red this little shit is creating. The dad is goo-gooing the youngest girl and Mom is sitting there like "What about the specials????". I walk away in mid sentence to get the monster a replacement coke. As I come back with a replacement drink for both boys (oh yeah, a server has a preternatural feeling when a table will do the "domino effect" with re-fills on the free refills) I could swear the family didn't even notice I was gone. Like some funny episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE. Grandma is staring at the wall, dad is making embarrassing baby noises to sis, Mom is waiting to hear the specials (I swear she didn't blink---like she was in a catatonic state) and the neanderthal brothers are trying to set a new world record for most Coca Cola refills in a single sitting.
After I served this delightful family their meals I took a scouts eye view of my station. Table 44 was a couple on a first date. Say good bye to my table all night long if their night is going as well as they imagined it would when they met on the Internet in the singles section. My lone booth had two couples in their 50's or early 60's. I approached the table and offered the one lady another Sour Apple Martini (her third). She looks up at me very buzzed and kind of nods "Uh huh." I ask the other lady if she'd like another zinfandel, as she literally has one sip left in her glass. "No, I'm fine." she responds.
As I await my turn at the Micros (computer station to enter the orders) I watch the one lady gulp the last sip of her wine. You don't need to be a psychic to figure out what is going to happen when I go back to the table. I hand the lady the Sour Apple Martini and miraculously the lady with the empty zinfandel glass says, "You are going to kill me, but I need another drink!". Oh well. I won't kill you because you are buying our house zinfandel at $9.75 a glass, so I pull up the table in the micros and order the zinfandel and hit SEND.
Now this is the part that most folks think a glass of zinfandel magically appears by the time I walk around the restaurant and get to the bar. It doesn't. On a good night (or moment) my drink will be just about ready soon after I arrive. On a bad night (or moment), it can take 10-15 minutes to get my drink. "But it's just a glass of wine!", the customers will whine (ha ha ha). It doesn't matter----the bartender makes tickets in the order they were received. If that restaurant serves "foo-foo" drinks (frozen pina coladas, virgin strawberries...) it can take an awfully long time to get that glass of wine. Oh, and a bottle of wine? After the guest finally selects the bottle I have to get onto the Micros system and find the bottle (funniest abbreviations that make NO SENSE). I order the bottle and a ticket or chit prints out at the printer. Now I have to find a manager that has a free moment. Not an easy task in the middle of a rush. After I finally flag down a manager he will open the wine vault and give me my bottle. If it is a reserve I have to find special reserve glasses, and to find clean special reserve glasses on a nightly rush is unlikely. And let's be honest, it's embarrassing to serve a $150 dollar bottle of wine in a glass that has water stains or LIPSTICK on it!
Finally, I go back to the table and the two gentleman apparently stopped being engaged in their conversation and devoured their drinks. Another Beefeater on the rocks with three blue cheese stuffed olives and another Johnnie Walker Black neat. I walk towards the Micros station again and ignore the little shit at my other table shaking his pop-free glass like he is having a seizure or a fit. "SIR, MORE COKE!!!!", he rudely shouts across the restaurant. I see a free Micros station on the other side of the restaurant and it is like the old Hertz car rental commercials with OJ Simpson (before he did the double homicide thing). Duck. Turn. Stop to let the food runner go by with a towering platter of food. DAMN! Some other server didn't stop for the food runner, practically knocked him over and jumped in line right in front of you at the Micros station. It is a dog eat dog world to say the least!
I get the two neanderthals another Coke and their father another Diet Coke. Mom and the other girls are doing fine. It has been almost 5 minutes, so I waltz by the bar again. Apparently the printer ran out of paper, so the bartender never got my drink order, or the orders of four or five of my fellow servers, by the sight of it. "What did you order?", the bartender looks up with those thick rimmed glasses. All five servers shout out their orders simultaneously. All in a days work! I laugh. Normally I'd be freaking out having anxiety attack me right there on the dance floor. I laugh again. Is Alan Funt here somewhere filming this shit?
Drinks. On one hand you have to love them because they can REALLY push a check average up, but on the other hand they can be a logistical nightmare. Oh, and I'll have another coke!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Server Blues....
Wow, I can't believe it has been over three months since my last entry. Time goes by so fast in general, and much more so when you are a server. When you work weekends and are off on Mon or Tues life is very disorienting, and time goes by like greased lightning. All of a sudden I have three months between my entries. Not good, but what can you do when you work 5 or 6 days a week? You finally get a day off where you don't have a dentist appointment or doctors appointment or have to take your car in for a tune up and the last thing you feel like doing is writing a journal about work. Anyways, that is the subject of todays journal: The server blues.
I am not talking about the general blues like the guests that are ultra demanding and need to be molly cuddled through their entire dining experience, or people being overly generous with ordering food and less so when it comes time to tip the poor server, or managers that were savagely picked on as kids in a position of authority where they can mess with you. I am talking more about the server lifestyle in general.
First of all, most servers work evenings and are off days when most friends, family and associates are working---kind of like a vampire sleeping by day and working and partying by night. In other words you are generally off during the day, but have none of your friends or family to spend the day with (unless they are also servers or maybe 3rd shift nurses, etc.). Also the servers greatest payoff shifts are usually on the weekends. All your buddies meeting on Sunday for a tailgate party before the Bears game? Too bad, you are forced to be at work to bust your balls on some wedding shower party with a very lean budget (and even leaner gratuity). Be there by 10:30 after closing on Saturday night. Oh, and when the ladies have barely begun opening gifts at 2:45 and are supposed to be out of the banquet facility by 3PM per their signed contract the manager will start to tell the servers "YOU had better make sure they are out of their by 3PM. We need that room for another party....".
Like it is the servers fault that a party of 40 women show up VERY late, talk too much (can you believe that one?), eat too much and open gifts way too slow. By the time all is said and done, from the early in-time for the servers on the party, to the silverware polishing, to setting the placemats and steak knifes, to orchestrating 40+ hungry women through a three course family style meal, to removing the plates, glasses, flatware and setting up for dessert, and cleaning the dessert plates and coffees and rolling 45 sets of silverware you can expect to make $30 give or take. Good times! Once in a great while the guests "duke" the servers an additional amount, but I can probably count the amount of times that happened on both hands.
That is another part of the blues---the parties get a 20% gratuity before taxes. This sounds like a lot of money, but when you consider what is involved and what is taken for the house, there isn't a lot left over for the servers. Yeah, the gratuity is 20%. but the girls that plan the parties get 2%, and 4 1/2% goes for busboys, bartenders and food runners. After the 6 1/2% is taken right off the top for the house there is a 13 1/5% gratuity left over----for the servers to equally split. If there are only two servers on a party, the 20% gratuity gets roughly split equally between the two servers and the house. Yes, that's right---the house can make as much or more than the servers that are busting their balls doing the actual work. Good times! When there are 4 or 5 servers on a party it can come down to 1 or 2% for each server. When the party is for 40 people the tip can literally be less than $20 or 30 per server. Gotta love those wedding/baby showers.
Family gathering at your Aunt's house next Sunday where you would have an opportunity to see some cousins that you haven't seen in 4 or 5 years because they live in California? Too bad, you are working a Sunday baby shower for some terribly snobbish guests that talk to you like you are their personal butler or assistant instead of a server at a restaurant. Some real jackpot people! This one time a lady spent an extra $245 for Halloween orange linens for her daughters wedding shower. She spends an extra $245 on ugly linens, but doesn't throw the servers an extra crumb?
Another part of the server blues is that servers have to work on major holidays like Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Easter.... Some restaurants have seniority on some of those special holidays, and some do not. Seniority can also differ greatly from establishment to establishment. At some restaurants you might still be the "rookie" or "new kid" after working there five years! When I worked at the Crabhouse I had almost 12 years under my belt and was going to have to work the 4th of July weekend. After 12 years of busting my balls serving garlic rolls and Mai Tai's I was supposed to work on the 4th of July---a DEAD holiday (unless it is raining outside).
Ask my Mom. This year we celebrated Mother's Day on the Monday after, like every other year. You see, I had to be at work on Mother's Day by 9:45 and didn't get a break or see daylight or moonlight until after 10:30PM. Over 12 hours on my feet without a break. At least I got to call my Mother early that morning to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I had a streak of missing Easter brunch with my family 5 years in a row, including the last Easter at my late Grandmother's house. Them server blues....
Another of the servers blues has to do with seniority and working lunches. At my current restaurant a lunch can range from making dog-crap money ($15-20 for the shift) to making great money ($85-100 for a lunch shift). There are a LOT more dog crap days than "great days". There really is no rhyme or reason to the money either. One couple can come in and split a french dip sandwich and salad and have an $18 lunch check. Another group of 4 businessman can have a $150 lunch. You make percentages off of the total amount of the check, so you can see how your income can vary greatly. Six ladies can have six Cosmopolitan martinis (at $9.50 a pop), a chopped salad, and six entries and have a $130 check. ANother six ladies have six waters (NO ICE!, with lemons and waters), and split a large chopped salad and literally have a $20 check (not a typo----$20 check for six ladies). It is insane what can happen to you---just ask about Murphy's Law.
Lunches in general should be considered a 4 letter word. The real money is with the dinner shifts. Entries are more expensive, customers are more apt to have a "starter" or appetizer, and customers are more likely to drink. Dinners are definitely more prestigous than working lunches, and often lunches are based on seniority. The new kids work up to 5 or 6 lunches with NO DINNERS. After a while* (* "a while" can very greatly to one month to six or seven months, depending on the needs of the house!) you get promoted to nights. At first your schedule will have one or two nights (Sunday and Monday most likely) and 5 lunches. As you get seniority and climb up the ladder you get more dinners and less lunches. You also get better stations, and with seniority you get scheduled less holidays like Christmas Eve, Memorial Day......
Another "blues" for the server has to do with working doubles at the restaurant. On Saturday or Sunday it is feasible to work an 11 or 12 hour day without a break, due to the fact that lunch and dinner overlap and the restaurant doesn't close between lunch and dinner on those days. Other days you can be scheduled to close lunch and have to be back as an opener at 4PM (again, NO BREAK). Doubles are not only physically demanding, they are incredible tedious on the mental side too. Something about not seeing the outside world (not a lot of windows at my place) has a psychological impact on you. Just ask anybody doing time in jail. Windows make a big difference! So you are working lunch and straight thru dinner without a break for the third time this week? You know you have them server blues!
I am not talking about the general blues like the guests that are ultra demanding and need to be molly cuddled through their entire dining experience, or people being overly generous with ordering food and less so when it comes time to tip the poor server, or managers that were savagely picked on as kids in a position of authority where they can mess with you. I am talking more about the server lifestyle in general.
First of all, most servers work evenings and are off days when most friends, family and associates are working---kind of like a vampire sleeping by day and working and partying by night. In other words you are generally off during the day, but have none of your friends or family to spend the day with (unless they are also servers or maybe 3rd shift nurses, etc.). Also the servers greatest payoff shifts are usually on the weekends. All your buddies meeting on Sunday for a tailgate party before the Bears game? Too bad, you are forced to be at work to bust your balls on some wedding shower party with a very lean budget (and even leaner gratuity). Be there by 10:30 after closing on Saturday night. Oh, and when the ladies have barely begun opening gifts at 2:45 and are supposed to be out of the banquet facility by 3PM per their signed contract the manager will start to tell the servers "YOU had better make sure they are out of their by 3PM. We need that room for another party....".
Like it is the servers fault that a party of 40 women show up VERY late, talk too much (can you believe that one?), eat too much and open gifts way too slow. By the time all is said and done, from the early in-time for the servers on the party, to the silverware polishing, to setting the placemats and steak knifes, to orchestrating 40+ hungry women through a three course family style meal, to removing the plates, glasses, flatware and setting up for dessert, and cleaning the dessert plates and coffees and rolling 45 sets of silverware you can expect to make $30 give or take. Good times! Once in a great while the guests "duke" the servers an additional amount, but I can probably count the amount of times that happened on both hands.
That is another part of the blues---the parties get a 20% gratuity before taxes. This sounds like a lot of money, but when you consider what is involved and what is taken for the house, there isn't a lot left over for the servers. Yeah, the gratuity is 20%. but the girls that plan the parties get 2%, and 4 1/2% goes for busboys, bartenders and food runners. After the 6 1/2% is taken right off the top for the house there is a 13 1/5% gratuity left over----for the servers to equally split. If there are only two servers on a party, the 20% gratuity gets roughly split equally between the two servers and the house. Yes, that's right---the house can make as much or more than the servers that are busting their balls doing the actual work. Good times! When there are 4 or 5 servers on a party it can come down to 1 or 2% for each server. When the party is for 40 people the tip can literally be less than $20 or 30 per server. Gotta love those wedding/baby showers.
Family gathering at your Aunt's house next Sunday where you would have an opportunity to see some cousins that you haven't seen in 4 or 5 years because they live in California? Too bad, you are working a Sunday baby shower for some terribly snobbish guests that talk to you like you are their personal butler or assistant instead of a server at a restaurant. Some real jackpot people! This one time a lady spent an extra $245 for Halloween orange linens for her daughters wedding shower. She spends an extra $245 on ugly linens, but doesn't throw the servers an extra crumb?
Another part of the server blues is that servers have to work on major holidays like Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Easter.... Some restaurants have seniority on some of those special holidays, and some do not. Seniority can also differ greatly from establishment to establishment. At some restaurants you might still be the "rookie" or "new kid" after working there five years! When I worked at the Crabhouse I had almost 12 years under my belt and was going to have to work the 4th of July weekend. After 12 years of busting my balls serving garlic rolls and Mai Tai's I was supposed to work on the 4th of July---a DEAD holiday (unless it is raining outside).
Ask my Mom. This year we celebrated Mother's Day on the Monday after, like every other year. You see, I had to be at work on Mother's Day by 9:45 and didn't get a break or see daylight or moonlight until after 10:30PM. Over 12 hours on my feet without a break. At least I got to call my Mother early that morning to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I had a streak of missing Easter brunch with my family 5 years in a row, including the last Easter at my late Grandmother's house. Them server blues....
Another of the servers blues has to do with seniority and working lunches. At my current restaurant a lunch can range from making dog-crap money ($15-20 for the shift) to making great money ($85-100 for a lunch shift). There are a LOT more dog crap days than "great days". There really is no rhyme or reason to the money either. One couple can come in and split a french dip sandwich and salad and have an $18 lunch check. Another group of 4 businessman can have a $150 lunch. You make percentages off of the total amount of the check, so you can see how your income can vary greatly. Six ladies can have six Cosmopolitan martinis (at $9.50 a pop), a chopped salad, and six entries and have a $130 check. ANother six ladies have six waters (NO ICE!, with lemons and waters), and split a large chopped salad and literally have a $20 check (not a typo----$20 check for six ladies). It is insane what can happen to you---just ask about Murphy's Law.
Lunches in general should be considered a 4 letter word. The real money is with the dinner shifts. Entries are more expensive, customers are more apt to have a "starter" or appetizer, and customers are more likely to drink. Dinners are definitely more prestigous than working lunches, and often lunches are based on seniority. The new kids work up to 5 or 6 lunches with NO DINNERS. After a while* (* "a while" can very greatly to one month to six or seven months, depending on the needs of the house!) you get promoted to nights. At first your schedule will have one or two nights (Sunday and Monday most likely) and 5 lunches. As you get seniority and climb up the ladder you get more dinners and less lunches. You also get better stations, and with seniority you get scheduled less holidays like Christmas Eve, Memorial Day......
Another "blues" for the server has to do with working doubles at the restaurant. On Saturday or Sunday it is feasible to work an 11 or 12 hour day without a break, due to the fact that lunch and dinner overlap and the restaurant doesn't close between lunch and dinner on those days. Other days you can be scheduled to close lunch and have to be back as an opener at 4PM (again, NO BREAK). Doubles are not only physically demanding, they are incredible tedious on the mental side too. Something about not seeing the outside world (not a lot of windows at my place) has a psychological impact on you. Just ask anybody doing time in jail. Windows make a big difference! So you are working lunch and straight thru dinner without a break for the third time this week? You know you have them server blues!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Acts of God
Did you ever hear the expression, "Hey, shit happens."? Well "things" do happen, and some of them are, unfortunately, out of our control. You have no control if a lightning storm blows out a circuit board at Com Ed and an entire city block is in the dark. You have no control if a tool bag lost by some careless astronaut falls out of orbit, and smashes through your windshield. You have no control over earthquakes, droughts, floods, hurricanes or tornadoes.
Even though we have no control over any of the previously mentioned natural catastrophes, you should hear what goes on in a restaurant when any of these situations occur. Years ago when I worked at "The Crabhouse", a construction worker cut the main water supply line right in front of our restaurant. The result was the restaurant (and the entire village of Wheeling) lost it's water.
Although this might not seem like much to the average person, consider that without water you cannot wash your hands. Also consider that the kitchen staff making your food CANNOT WASH THEIR HANDS. Without water we cannot steam lobsters, or clean dirty dishes or cooking utensils. You cannot go to the bathroom because the toilets won't flush and, you cannot wash your hands. Get the idea? The Illinois Board of Health will NOT let a restaurant operate without running water/supplied water.
So on this wonderful September evening our restaurant was closed at around 6:30. This didn't happen because the owners forgot to pay a water bill or for any negligence of the owner or managers. It was an Act of God. There was not a damn thing we could do about it. That's it, case closed, the restaurant is closed. You should have heard the fuss and stink the customers whined. "I have out of town guests...". "I am entertaining potential clients...". "But we haven't gotten our entries yet!". You name it, people were bitching about it.
The house (a.k.a. "the restaurant") lost big that night. Not only did we lose ALL potential sales that would have happened between 6:30 and when we closed at 10:30, the managers had to comp appetizers, comp drinks, comp entire checks, give gift certificates or I.O. U.'s, whatever they had to do to silence the unreasonable customers. An entire night was written off.
Fast forward to the summer of 2008. The new restaurant I work at has a wood burning oven and a wood burning rotisserie. That is part of the magic as to why the food tastes so good. Anyways, one Saturday night there was a terrible electrical storm going on, complete with flash flooding type of rains that you can only get in the Midwest! BAMM! The sound of striking lightning and the lights went out. Almost immediately the generator kicked on and the emergency flood lights kicked on. Within maybe 30 seconds all of our power had been restored, but it was too late. The damage was done.
When the power went out the exhaust fans and fan blowers stopped working. When that happened the smoke from the wood burning oven and rotisserie instantly started filling the dining room. Within moments the place was cloudy and you could definitely taste the wild fire burning taste in your mouth. Within a minute or so the place was so smokey you could hardly see, and breathing was an absolute labor. The kitchen had no choice but to extinguish the two fires and turn off the grills and broilers.
When the power came back it didn't matter---the kitchen was rendered inoperable. The first thing the managers did was open all emergency doors and use the blowers they use to dry the floors or carpets to air out the smokey restaurant. The next thing they did was have an emergency meeting with the kitchen managers. The prognosis: When the kitchen staff had to cut the ovens and wood burning sections of the kitchen, they had in effect closed the restaurant. After they extinguished the wood burning parts, it takes HOURS to get the wood burning correctly with the proper amount of coals, wood and fire. HOURS.
An emergency meeting with the food servers told us the restaurant was CLOSED. Every check for every table that was in the dining room was ON THE HOUSE. Yes, that's right. If you and your party had a $200 bottle of Opus One and another $150 in appetizers but did not get your entries, your meal was on the house!
You MIGHT think the free checks might have satisfied some of our fickle clientele, but you would be WAY WRONG. The three managers walked around the restaurant with their pads to write down every name of every disgruntled guest, and to give the upset customers a business card so that they could get some V.I.P. treatment on their next meal with us. The three boys had the look in their eyes like they had to bear the "good news" of having all F's on their report card and having to show their folks. In other words, each one of them had the look that they were about to be fed to the lions. That death could not come soon enough.
"Stuart, I need you to go to table 54. The guys PISSED!". "Marv, I need you to go to 70, he's DEMANDING to see a manager now!". "Sam, the lady at 92 is a GOLD CARD MEMBER and demands to speak with a manager....". OY VEY! You literally could not pay me enough money in the world to have to deal with those miserable whiny assholes. I couldn't even imagine. If my girlfriend and I were having dinner and there was an Act of God like that, I'd honestly be thinking, "Hey, that's two Bacardi and Diet cokes and two glasses of Merlot and $20 worth of appetizers...." and I'd duke the server a cool $20 and call it a good night. Not these people!
I saw some super animated customer stand up and make a big scene. His face was red like a lobster as he yelled at the poor manager. "YOU ruined my 30 year Anniversary!" he shouted to Stuart. I was thinking, "Yeah sir you are absolutely right. This young manager did ruin your entire evening. He purposely made the rain and lightning storm and had the circuit boards go out so the wood burning ovens would overwhelm us with smoke...". The guy went on about how Stuart and our restaurant RUINED his 30 year Anniversary. Now I was thinking more like, "The only thing to ruin 30 years of marriage was YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!". What an unbelievable schmuck!
Stuart had to comp this guy and basically give him a carte blanche I.O.U. for a return visit. I don't know the outcome, but I would bet a MILLION DOLLARS when this schmuck returned he didn't just bring his lovely wife of 30 years. I would bet in typical swine fashion he brought his wife, kids, maybe their spouses or grandchildren. Or maybe he and his lovely bride of 30 years would bring another couple and they would indulge in expensive BOTTLES of wine and the most expensive items on the menu---on the house. Some of these people still mention this incident now---nearly 9 months later---so the manager might come by you and mumble "Buy table 54 a spinach dip appetizer on us...". Is there no end? What is the statute of limitations to drop an event like that? Do you think ANY of those people deserved their meals comped AND and additional meal on the house? I don't get it....
My last point to make has to do with that crazy emergency landing that Captain Sully did with that jumbo jet airplane on the Hudson river a few weeks ago. From my understanding, birds got sucked into one of the jets turbine engines and stopped the plane dead in it's tracks (or flight!). A hero named Captain Sully emerged and was miraculously able to dead stick the disabled plane in an emergency landing on the Hudson river.
Now this is an Act of God----a natural catastrophe. The engine didn't fail because the mechanic forgot to put the lid back on the oil dipstick or something stupid like that. There is no way to plan or account for the flight of the birds. SO anyways, this guy named Captain Sully lands the plane on the Hudson with ZERO fatalities. A few weeks later we read in newspaper on on Internet that the airlines attempted to settle with the passengers by offering each passenger $5,000 cash and a lifetime of upgrades to 1st class. The passengers answer? THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!
This is something I wish I could sink my teeth into and answer on behalf of the airlines: "WHAT THE F--- DO YOU PEOPLE WANT HERE? You were given the GREATEST gift of all---your miserable LIFE'S. Would you rather have your life that was saved by Captain Sully, or would you rather your children receive $1 million for losing a father, or a mother, or a Grandmother, or an Indian Voo Doo Witchdoctor.....?". You hit the lottery with a miracle crash landing----not with extorting a profit from the already bankrupt airline industry. Plus you have a lifelong story to tell at family gatherings, weddings, bars and to anybody else that will listen. Like the credit card company says, "That's priceless!". Thank God and Captain Sully for your pathetic lives and be grateful. Don't piss and moan and think you are owed some jackpot or a life of luxury.
I don't get these people....
Even though we have no control over any of the previously mentioned natural catastrophes, you should hear what goes on in a restaurant when any of these situations occur. Years ago when I worked at "The Crabhouse", a construction worker cut the main water supply line right in front of our restaurant. The result was the restaurant (and the entire village of Wheeling) lost it's water.
Although this might not seem like much to the average person, consider that without water you cannot wash your hands. Also consider that the kitchen staff making your food CANNOT WASH THEIR HANDS. Without water we cannot steam lobsters, or clean dirty dishes or cooking utensils. You cannot go to the bathroom because the toilets won't flush and, you cannot wash your hands. Get the idea? The Illinois Board of Health will NOT let a restaurant operate without running water/supplied water.
So on this wonderful September evening our restaurant was closed at around 6:30. This didn't happen because the owners forgot to pay a water bill or for any negligence of the owner or managers. It was an Act of God. There was not a damn thing we could do about it. That's it, case closed, the restaurant is closed. You should have heard the fuss and stink the customers whined. "I have out of town guests...". "I am entertaining potential clients...". "But we haven't gotten our entries yet!". You name it, people were bitching about it.
The house (a.k.a. "the restaurant") lost big that night. Not only did we lose ALL potential sales that would have happened between 6:30 and when we closed at 10:30, the managers had to comp appetizers, comp drinks, comp entire checks, give gift certificates or I.O. U.'s, whatever they had to do to silence the unreasonable customers. An entire night was written off.
Fast forward to the summer of 2008. The new restaurant I work at has a wood burning oven and a wood burning rotisserie. That is part of the magic as to why the food tastes so good. Anyways, one Saturday night there was a terrible electrical storm going on, complete with flash flooding type of rains that you can only get in the Midwest! BAMM! The sound of striking lightning and the lights went out. Almost immediately the generator kicked on and the emergency flood lights kicked on. Within maybe 30 seconds all of our power had been restored, but it was too late. The damage was done.
When the power went out the exhaust fans and fan blowers stopped working. When that happened the smoke from the wood burning oven and rotisserie instantly started filling the dining room. Within moments the place was cloudy and you could definitely taste the wild fire burning taste in your mouth. Within a minute or so the place was so smokey you could hardly see, and breathing was an absolute labor. The kitchen had no choice but to extinguish the two fires and turn off the grills and broilers.
When the power came back it didn't matter---the kitchen was rendered inoperable. The first thing the managers did was open all emergency doors and use the blowers they use to dry the floors or carpets to air out the smokey restaurant. The next thing they did was have an emergency meeting with the kitchen managers. The prognosis: When the kitchen staff had to cut the ovens and wood burning sections of the kitchen, they had in effect closed the restaurant. After they extinguished the wood burning parts, it takes HOURS to get the wood burning correctly with the proper amount of coals, wood and fire. HOURS.
An emergency meeting with the food servers told us the restaurant was CLOSED. Every check for every table that was in the dining room was ON THE HOUSE. Yes, that's right. If you and your party had a $200 bottle of Opus One and another $150 in appetizers but did not get your entries, your meal was on the house!
You MIGHT think the free checks might have satisfied some of our fickle clientele, but you would be WAY WRONG. The three managers walked around the restaurant with their pads to write down every name of every disgruntled guest, and to give the upset customers a business card so that they could get some V.I.P. treatment on their next meal with us. The three boys had the look in their eyes like they had to bear the "good news" of having all F's on their report card and having to show their folks. In other words, each one of them had the look that they were about to be fed to the lions. That death could not come soon enough.
"Stuart, I need you to go to table 54. The guys PISSED!". "Marv, I need you to go to 70, he's DEMANDING to see a manager now!". "Sam, the lady at 92 is a GOLD CARD MEMBER and demands to speak with a manager....". OY VEY! You literally could not pay me enough money in the world to have to deal with those miserable whiny assholes. I couldn't even imagine. If my girlfriend and I were having dinner and there was an Act of God like that, I'd honestly be thinking, "Hey, that's two Bacardi and Diet cokes and two glasses of Merlot and $20 worth of appetizers...." and I'd duke the server a cool $20 and call it a good night. Not these people!
I saw some super animated customer stand up and make a big scene. His face was red like a lobster as he yelled at the poor manager. "YOU ruined my 30 year Anniversary!" he shouted to Stuart. I was thinking, "Yeah sir you are absolutely right. This young manager did ruin your entire evening. He purposely made the rain and lightning storm and had the circuit boards go out so the wood burning ovens would overwhelm us with smoke...". The guy went on about how Stuart and our restaurant RUINED his 30 year Anniversary. Now I was thinking more like, "The only thing to ruin 30 years of marriage was YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!". What an unbelievable schmuck!
Stuart had to comp this guy and basically give him a carte blanche I.O.U. for a return visit. I don't know the outcome, but I would bet a MILLION DOLLARS when this schmuck returned he didn't just bring his lovely wife of 30 years. I would bet in typical swine fashion he brought his wife, kids, maybe their spouses or grandchildren. Or maybe he and his lovely bride of 30 years would bring another couple and they would indulge in expensive BOTTLES of wine and the most expensive items on the menu---on the house. Some of these people still mention this incident now---nearly 9 months later---so the manager might come by you and mumble "Buy table 54 a spinach dip appetizer on us...". Is there no end? What is the statute of limitations to drop an event like that? Do you think ANY of those people deserved their meals comped AND and additional meal on the house? I don't get it....
My last point to make has to do with that crazy emergency landing that Captain Sully did with that jumbo jet airplane on the Hudson river a few weeks ago. From my understanding, birds got sucked into one of the jets turbine engines and stopped the plane dead in it's tracks (or flight!). A hero named Captain Sully emerged and was miraculously able to dead stick the disabled plane in an emergency landing on the Hudson river.
Now this is an Act of God----a natural catastrophe. The engine didn't fail because the mechanic forgot to put the lid back on the oil dipstick or something stupid like that. There is no way to plan or account for the flight of the birds. SO anyways, this guy named Captain Sully lands the plane on the Hudson with ZERO fatalities. A few weeks later we read in newspaper on on Internet that the airlines attempted to settle with the passengers by offering each passenger $5,000 cash and a lifetime of upgrades to 1st class. The passengers answer? THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!
This is something I wish I could sink my teeth into and answer on behalf of the airlines: "WHAT THE F--- DO YOU PEOPLE WANT HERE? You were given the GREATEST gift of all---your miserable LIFE'S. Would you rather have your life that was saved by Captain Sully, or would you rather your children receive $1 million for losing a father, or a mother, or a Grandmother, or an Indian Voo Doo Witchdoctor.....?". You hit the lottery with a miracle crash landing----not with extorting a profit from the already bankrupt airline industry. Plus you have a lifelong story to tell at family gatherings, weddings, bars and to anybody else that will listen. Like the credit card company says, "That's priceless!". Thank God and Captain Sully for your pathetic lives and be grateful. Don't piss and moan and think you are owed some jackpot or a life of luxury.
I don't get these people....
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Decisions, Decisions......
I have been back from my brief vacation in paradise for just over two weeks now and am still trying to adjust to the day to day of my job as a server. I flew back into town on a Wednesday. There was a terrible snowstorm in Chicago, so I got holed up in the Ft. Myers Airport for around four hours. When I returned it was cold and snowy. My mother picked my up at O'Hare and drove me back to my parents house in a suburb of Chicago. I got my two dogs and Amazon parrot and went back to my condo. To save money I had installed a digital thermostat in my place. I set my "vacation" setting to 50', so it was COLD! I unpacked and got my uniform ready to go for the next day.
I don't know why I had to perform a double on my first day back, followed by closing on Friday lunch and a double on Saturday. I wound up working six days in a row when I returned from paradise which is a dangerous thing to do in the customer service industry! Then the next week I worked 6 days again. Oy vey... I need a vacation from my vacation! It is hard to paste a smile on your face when you are burnt out, but persevere we must. The show must go on!
As my patience and tolerance are razor thin at this moment, I am going to vent on another issue that plagues food servers everywhere across the galaxy: Deciding on an entry. Now first of all, I am not harping on people that take an extra amount of time to choose a selection. I can appreciate this for several reasons. The last restaurant I worked at ("The Crabhouse") had an overwhelming menu to say the least. They had 12 or 13 different preparations for shrimp alone! They had up to 10 different fish to choose from on the "fresh fish" section. Steaks. Chicken. Pasta. Lobsters. Scallops. Clams. Oysters. It could take a Rhodes scholar hours to dissect the menu. For this reason I can appreciate taking your time, as you might miss a big section of the menu.
I can also appreciate taking your time because going out to dinner is a special occasion for a lot of people (myself included). The economy is tough, so I have to work almost an entire lunch shift for a $30 Prime Rib or Nantucket Bay Scallops dish, so I am going to take my time and read the menu. I also like asking the server about different dishes, about their favorites, and so on.
So taking your time to properly choose the right entry is NOT my gripe in this BLOG. My problem is with people that take forever to make their selection, and then change it 15 minutes after they give you the order. My thoughts are this: Take your time. Read the menu. Ask me about the entry, about the preparation, about the side dishes and order. After I go to the POS computer terminal screen and enter your order NO CHANGING.
The moment I hit "SEND" on the POS computer system a dual ticket prints at the co-ordinators station and on the cooking line. The co-ordinator splits up his tickets by areas of the kitchen and starts organizing the orders. The cooking line takes the ticket that says "BBQ Ribs WELL DONE, NO SAUCE " and immediately starts making your tasty dish. If you wait 10 or 15 minutes to change your order, it creates a great havoc in the restaurant.
First, the kitchen has to stop the order. IF it was a special order or had heavy modifications it is going to the garbage. If it was something generic like a cheeseburger, they MIGHT be able to use it on another table or order if the timing is right. Next the kitchen has to double-step it to try to get your replacement selection to the table with the rest of the orders from your table. If the kitchen cannot cook your replacement dish fast enough, the other orders on your table MIGHT sit under heat lamps waiting for the new dish. Your husbands Med-rare filet will now be Medium or Med-Well. The cheese on your kids grilled cheese will now be burning under the hot heat lamps and turning black. Your kid will understand, right?
As if these situations weren't brutal enough, the server now has to go to the manager and tell him what happened. The manager doesn't really care that the customer changed his or her mind, all he cares about is that there is a wasted food item, which adds cost. Added costs are not good in the restaurant industry. Our managers get bonuses based on keeping costs down. Imagine dealing with a regular customer that routinely sends her salmon back 2 or 3 times. Imagine your costs shooting up, and your measly bonus shrinking into oblivion. Now the manager snaps at the server.
If the server has had more than one person change an order at the eleventh hour, the server could get fired. Yes folks, it's true. If you are fickle and keep sending foor back you could get your poor food server fired. Now aren't you glad you sent back your steak TWICE?
Another thing that kills me is repeating the sides that come with the dishes to all 7 or 8 people at the table.... And on the 7th or 8th person THEY STILL CAN'T DECIDE! Look folks, it isn't rocket science. You can have red-skinned boiled potatoes, OR french fries, OR steamed veggies OR steamed jasmine rice. "What about a baked potato?", asks one of the guests. I want to hiss back, "Did I mention a baked potato? Potatoes au gratin? Twice baked potato? NO! And you know why I didn't mention any of those dishes? 'CUZ WE DON'T HAVE THEM!!!!"
I also love when a guest orders for another guest, or tries to. The husband orders the halibut and the red-skinned boiled potatoes. "You hate red-skinned potatoes!", sneers his wife. Obviously your husband doesn't hate red-skinned boiled potatoes, lady, or HE WOULDN'T HAVE ORDERED THEM!!! Maybe that's why you have been married for 35 years, and your husband has been praying for a heart attack for 34 of those years! Let your husband order for himself, or let your 17 year old daughter order her food. You should be concerned with ordering your food, and let your other family members order for themselves (with the exception being young children). Capische?
I don't know why I had to perform a double on my first day back, followed by closing on Friday lunch and a double on Saturday. I wound up working six days in a row when I returned from paradise which is a dangerous thing to do in the customer service industry! Then the next week I worked 6 days again. Oy vey... I need a vacation from my vacation! It is hard to paste a smile on your face when you are burnt out, but persevere we must. The show must go on!
As my patience and tolerance are razor thin at this moment, I am going to vent on another issue that plagues food servers everywhere across the galaxy: Deciding on an entry. Now first of all, I am not harping on people that take an extra amount of time to choose a selection. I can appreciate this for several reasons. The last restaurant I worked at ("The Crabhouse") had an overwhelming menu to say the least. They had 12 or 13 different preparations for shrimp alone! They had up to 10 different fish to choose from on the "fresh fish" section. Steaks. Chicken. Pasta. Lobsters. Scallops. Clams. Oysters. It could take a Rhodes scholar hours to dissect the menu. For this reason I can appreciate taking your time, as you might miss a big section of the menu.
I can also appreciate taking your time because going out to dinner is a special occasion for a lot of people (myself included). The economy is tough, so I have to work almost an entire lunch shift for a $30 Prime Rib or Nantucket Bay Scallops dish, so I am going to take my time and read the menu. I also like asking the server about different dishes, about their favorites, and so on.
So taking your time to properly choose the right entry is NOT my gripe in this BLOG. My problem is with people that take forever to make their selection, and then change it 15 minutes after they give you the order. My thoughts are this: Take your time. Read the menu. Ask me about the entry, about the preparation, about the side dishes and order. After I go to the POS computer terminal screen and enter your order NO CHANGING.
The moment I hit "SEND" on the POS computer system a dual ticket prints at the co-ordinators station and on the cooking line. The co-ordinator splits up his tickets by areas of the kitchen and starts organizing the orders. The cooking line takes the ticket that says "BBQ Ribs WELL DONE, NO SAUCE " and immediately starts making your tasty dish. If you wait 10 or 15 minutes to change your order, it creates a great havoc in the restaurant.
First, the kitchen has to stop the order. IF it was a special order or had heavy modifications it is going to the garbage. If it was something generic like a cheeseburger, they MIGHT be able to use it on another table or order if the timing is right. Next the kitchen has to double-step it to try to get your replacement selection to the table with the rest of the orders from your table. If the kitchen cannot cook your replacement dish fast enough, the other orders on your table MIGHT sit under heat lamps waiting for the new dish. Your husbands Med-rare filet will now be Medium or Med-Well. The cheese on your kids grilled cheese will now be burning under the hot heat lamps and turning black. Your kid will understand, right?
As if these situations weren't brutal enough, the server now has to go to the manager and tell him what happened. The manager doesn't really care that the customer changed his or her mind, all he cares about is that there is a wasted food item, which adds cost. Added costs are not good in the restaurant industry. Our managers get bonuses based on keeping costs down. Imagine dealing with a regular customer that routinely sends her salmon back 2 or 3 times. Imagine your costs shooting up, and your measly bonus shrinking into oblivion. Now the manager snaps at the server.
If the server has had more than one person change an order at the eleventh hour, the server could get fired. Yes folks, it's true. If you are fickle and keep sending foor back you could get your poor food server fired. Now aren't you glad you sent back your steak TWICE?
Another thing that kills me is repeating the sides that come with the dishes to all 7 or 8 people at the table.... And on the 7th or 8th person THEY STILL CAN'T DECIDE! Look folks, it isn't rocket science. You can have red-skinned boiled potatoes, OR french fries, OR steamed veggies OR steamed jasmine rice. "What about a baked potato?", asks one of the guests. I want to hiss back, "Did I mention a baked potato? Potatoes au gratin? Twice baked potato? NO! And you know why I didn't mention any of those dishes? 'CUZ WE DON'T HAVE THEM!!!!"
I also love when a guest orders for another guest, or tries to. The husband orders the halibut and the red-skinned boiled potatoes. "You hate red-skinned potatoes!", sneers his wife. Obviously your husband doesn't hate red-skinned boiled potatoes, lady, or HE WOULDN'T HAVE ORDERED THEM!!! Maybe that's why you have been married for 35 years, and your husband has been praying for a heart attack for 34 of those years! Let your husband order for himself, or let your 17 year old daughter order her food. You should be concerned with ordering your food, and let your other family members order for themselves (with the exception being young children). Capische?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
At the Airport
Why am I writing a blog from the Fort Myers, FL airport? Because my plane has been delayed a second time due to a mounting winter snow storm in Chicago. The first delay was 15 minutes. No big deal. The second delay was a tentative 3 hours. That is a big deal. Hundreds of flights have been cancelled at O'Hare today due to shitty weather conditions. I am "postponed" from arriving at 1:25PM to sometime projected after 4:30PM. I hope it doesn't get any more delayed, or even cancelled!
While I am bidding my time I notice all the people on their laptops in the waiting area. I wonder if I could catch a signal here and take out my trusty laptop from it's holster (a backpack). As I log onto Windows I notice there is a public non secured signal making my notebook spring to life. I open my suitcase and take out the power cord and attachments. This might take a while and I don't know how long my notebooks battery life lasts.
As I am plugging my power pack into the airports juice there is a huge commotion at the American Airlines desk. Some lady is making a HUGE fuss to the poor ladies at the counter. As a food server I can relate to people acting out like little spoiled brats. I see it on a daily basis. But at the customer service desk at the airport, I just kind of sit back and watch in amusement. It is addicting like a bad reality television show.
The young lady at the counter asks the disturbed woman to stop yelling. She responds, "I am not yelling, I am RESPONDING to you!". Again the lady at the counter asks the woman to stop yelling. "I am not yelling, I am responding to you!!!!!!!!!" the crazy lady reiterates. The lady at the counter picked up the phone and said "Security.". The crazy woman started trying to get witnesses, "You saw her yelling at me, right?".
NO. You see, even if some other person DID witness the American Airlines customer service lady raise her voice, they would never get involved as this crazy disturbed persons witness. Being a witness means you have to talk to the airport security and file a report. Who would want to do that and risk missing the flight? Or for that matter, who would want to infuriate the customer service lady when we were all hoping and praying to catch a flight and go home? Not me!
As soon as the counter gal picked up the phone to call security the disturbed lady that caused the scene started to run. She dropped her boarding pass and papers during her egress. She glared at the ticket lady and ran back for them. She looked back at the counter gal in disgust and ran down the hallway. Literally one second later the first officer arrived at the scene. "The lady with the orange hat!", the gal at the counter shouted to the officer giving him the heads up. The lady disappeared into the women's restroom as another officer arrived at the scene. The first officer approached the lady at the counter and started talking to her. Apparently the disturbed lady didn't like the news that our plane had been delayed. In fact, when the captain of the plane made the announcement earlier, I remember the only one to ask the pilot a question was crazy lady. "Why is the plane delayed?, she asked the pilot. "Snowstorm in Chicago.", the pilot answered.
An hour later is when the lady snapped at the customer service gal. She demanded being put on another plane immediately. This lady didn't understand that a winter snowstorm effects ALL of the airlines. American airlines, United airlines, Southwest, Spirit. None of them can land when O'Hare cancels flights. What an idiot. And causing a scene like that in an airport is nothing short of moronic. After 9-11 there has been heightened security in the airports, in case you didn't know. Causing a scream and yelling at the counter gal is not going to settle your disputes or get this whacked out lady back to the Windy city any time soon. In fact, I heard the gal at the ticket counter say she the crazy lady was kicked off the plane---if the delay ends and the rest of us non screamers are allowed to board.
I think about the lady at the customer service booth at the airport. For a moment I am thinking about how much the two jobs actually are---food server and customer service rep at an airlines. Both take incredible amounts of shit and abuse from customers. While on my laptop I wrote on my FACEBOOK that I am stranded at the airport. Within minutes my cell phone is beeping with the news of a text message. One of my co-workers has volunteered to take my Thursday night shift if my flight is cancelled. Then within 15 minutes I have another kind offer to take my Thursday night shift. Boy, the generosity of my co-workers never ceases to amaze me.
The captain comes out of the plane and informs us on the loudspeaker that "Visibility is 1 mile in Chicago and the snow is starting to let up. We STILL anticipate leaving at 2:45 and arriving at 4:30 Chicago time.". Damn he is calm. I wish I could remain as calm the next time I have to deliver tragic news to one of my guests like we are out of the Sunday night special. Oh yeah!
While I am bidding my time I notice all the people on their laptops in the waiting area. I wonder if I could catch a signal here and take out my trusty laptop from it's holster (a backpack). As I log onto Windows I notice there is a public non secured signal making my notebook spring to life. I open my suitcase and take out the power cord and attachments. This might take a while and I don't know how long my notebooks battery life lasts.
As I am plugging my power pack into the airports juice there is a huge commotion at the American Airlines desk. Some lady is making a HUGE fuss to the poor ladies at the counter. As a food server I can relate to people acting out like little spoiled brats. I see it on a daily basis. But at the customer service desk at the airport, I just kind of sit back and watch in amusement. It is addicting like a bad reality television show.
The young lady at the counter asks the disturbed woman to stop yelling. She responds, "I am not yelling, I am RESPONDING to you!". Again the lady at the counter asks the woman to stop yelling. "I am not yelling, I am responding to you!!!!!!!!!" the crazy lady reiterates. The lady at the counter picked up the phone and said "Security.". The crazy woman started trying to get witnesses, "You saw her yelling at me, right?".
NO. You see, even if some other person DID witness the American Airlines customer service lady raise her voice, they would never get involved as this crazy disturbed persons witness. Being a witness means you have to talk to the airport security and file a report. Who would want to do that and risk missing the flight? Or for that matter, who would want to infuriate the customer service lady when we were all hoping and praying to catch a flight and go home? Not me!
As soon as the counter gal picked up the phone to call security the disturbed lady that caused the scene started to run. She dropped her boarding pass and papers during her egress. She glared at the ticket lady and ran back for them. She looked back at the counter gal in disgust and ran down the hallway. Literally one second later the first officer arrived at the scene. "The lady with the orange hat!", the gal at the counter shouted to the officer giving him the heads up. The lady disappeared into the women's restroom as another officer arrived at the scene. The first officer approached the lady at the counter and started talking to her. Apparently the disturbed lady didn't like the news that our plane had been delayed. In fact, when the captain of the plane made the announcement earlier, I remember the only one to ask the pilot a question was crazy lady. "Why is the plane delayed?, she asked the pilot. "Snowstorm in Chicago.", the pilot answered.
An hour later is when the lady snapped at the customer service gal. She demanded being put on another plane immediately. This lady didn't understand that a winter snowstorm effects ALL of the airlines. American airlines, United airlines, Southwest, Spirit. None of them can land when O'Hare cancels flights. What an idiot. And causing a scene like that in an airport is nothing short of moronic. After 9-11 there has been heightened security in the airports, in case you didn't know. Causing a scream and yelling at the counter gal is not going to settle your disputes or get this whacked out lady back to the Windy city any time soon. In fact, I heard the gal at the ticket counter say she the crazy lady was kicked off the plane---if the delay ends and the rest of us non screamers are allowed to board.
I think about the lady at the customer service booth at the airport. For a moment I am thinking about how much the two jobs actually are---food server and customer service rep at an airlines. Both take incredible amounts of shit and abuse from customers. While on my laptop I wrote on my FACEBOOK that I am stranded at the airport. Within minutes my cell phone is beeping with the news of a text message. One of my co-workers has volunteered to take my Thursday night shift if my flight is cancelled. Then within 15 minutes I have another kind offer to take my Thursday night shift. Boy, the generosity of my co-workers never ceases to amaze me.
The captain comes out of the plane and informs us on the loudspeaker that "Visibility is 1 mile in Chicago and the snow is starting to let up. We STILL anticipate leaving at 2:45 and arriving at 4:30 Chicago time.". Damn he is calm. I wish I could remain as calm the next time I have to deliver tragic news to one of my guests like we are out of the Sunday night special. Oh yeah!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Grapevine
Entry 7 from my 8th night on vacation. Oooooops! I missed yesterdays log entry. Oh well, for my punishment I have to leave paradise and fly back to Chicago. No big deal in June or July when the weather is actually more pleasant in Chicago, but this is January and there is a cold front invading the Midwest as we speak. The cold front is supposed to be with -35 wind chill type winds, and it is coming from the Great White North. God Bless Canada!
So what is tonight's blog about? I thought long and hard about that. I could write my piece on "Kids", or "Drinks" or "Sidework" or "Tip share". I could write another tale of absolute rudeness and swine-like behavior from some of our "guests". I dunno..... I think I'll keep it light tonight. I think I'll write a bit about "The Grapevine". This is especially fitting because I am on vacation, and yet I am just about up to speed on all the gossip and goings on at The Fire.
There is nothing in the world that travels faster than gossip at a restaurant. All of the employees are fascinated with any shred of a scoop about their co-workers wrongdoings or shortcomings. I guess you could call it a human nature kind of curiosity. Who got fired? Who is pregnant? Who just got ANOTHER DWI? The juicy news travels faster than a California wild fire.
The mediums are plenty. Number one is word-of-mouth. You see a manager talk to a server about a customer complaint and you tell Shirley, who tells Donna, who tells Tony, who tells Alphonso..... Don't have all of the details? IT DOESN'T MATTER!
"Why is the manager talking to John?".
"I don't know. I heard he had a customer complaint."
"About what?"
"I heard it took him 10 minutes to get back with a table's drink order....."
"Who was at the bar last night?"
"Amanda."
"Shit. She was in a piss-poor mood all night. John's lucky he got his drinks at all!"
And so on..... In addition to word-of-mouth, we have a lot of technical means to spread the messages. Cell phones and text messages are a plenty at the restaurant. The internet gives us My Space, Facebook and those wonderful blogs! As I previously mentioned, I am on vacation down in Florida. I had 3 Facebook messages telling me that one of the long time servers had gotten 86'd (waiter jargon for "fired" or when a food item is no longer on the menu). I also got wind that one of the restaurant couples had broken up, and that we might be getting a new manager.
Like the song's title, you can imagine that Dirty Laundry travels at an exceptionally fast speed (like TWICE the speed of light!). Somebody get fired? Somebody's kid got kicked out of high school? Somebody blatantly cheating on their spouse? Within moments it is common knowledge by all the staff at the restaurant. Within 20 minutes it has been text messaged to people not even working that day. Strange how we all have this preoccupation with everybody else's business, but we do.
Now I have to go pack and get ready to go to the winter wonderland in the Midwest. I wish I could stay another day or two, but then the stories would start at work about me quitting, or getting arrested or being forced into some religious cult......
So what is tonight's blog about? I thought long and hard about that. I could write my piece on "Kids", or "Drinks" or "Sidework" or "Tip share". I could write another tale of absolute rudeness and swine-like behavior from some of our "guests". I dunno..... I think I'll keep it light tonight. I think I'll write a bit about "The Grapevine". This is especially fitting because I am on vacation, and yet I am just about up to speed on all the gossip and goings on at The Fire.
There is nothing in the world that travels faster than gossip at a restaurant. All of the employees are fascinated with any shred of a scoop about their co-workers wrongdoings or shortcomings. I guess you could call it a human nature kind of curiosity. Who got fired? Who is pregnant? Who just got ANOTHER DWI? The juicy news travels faster than a California wild fire.
The mediums are plenty. Number one is word-of-mouth. You see a manager talk to a server about a customer complaint and you tell Shirley, who tells Donna, who tells Tony, who tells Alphonso..... Don't have all of the details? IT DOESN'T MATTER!
"Why is the manager talking to John?".
"I don't know. I heard he had a customer complaint."
"About what?"
"I heard it took him 10 minutes to get back with a table's drink order....."
"Who was at the bar last night?"
"Amanda."
"Shit. She was in a piss-poor mood all night. John's lucky he got his drinks at all!"
And so on..... In addition to word-of-mouth, we have a lot of technical means to spread the messages. Cell phones and text messages are a plenty at the restaurant. The internet gives us My Space, Facebook and those wonderful blogs! As I previously mentioned, I am on vacation down in Florida. I had 3 Facebook messages telling me that one of the long time servers had gotten 86'd (waiter jargon for "fired" or when a food item is no longer on the menu). I also got wind that one of the restaurant couples had broken up, and that we might be getting a new manager.
Like the song's title, you can imagine that Dirty Laundry travels at an exceptionally fast speed (like TWICE the speed of light!). Somebody get fired? Somebody's kid got kicked out of high school? Somebody blatantly cheating on their spouse? Within moments it is common knowledge by all the staff at the restaurant. Within 20 minutes it has been text messaged to people not even working that day. Strange how we all have this preoccupation with everybody else's business, but we do.
Now I have to go pack and get ready to go to the winter wonderland in the Midwest. I wish I could stay another day or two, but then the stories would start at work about me quitting, or getting arrested or being forced into some religious cult......
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sending Food Back
Entry 6 from my 6th night on vacation. Almost time to come back to reality. Almost time to deal with cranky disturbed customers again. Almost time to have to roll silverware again.....
But not yet!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
First of all, and for the record I want to state that I DO believe in sending back an entree if it is not cooked properly, or if it were not fresh. I do NOT believe in being ridiculous about or abusing this principle. And of course a small percentage of our customers are guilty of abusing this to the nth degree.
Last summer I took my Mother out to lunch at the restaurant I worked at. I could literally smell my Mother's salmon dish as the server was approaching the table, which is never a good sign. As my Mom took a mouthful of salmon she made a sour look on her face. She felt funny complaining about an entree at the restaurant I worked at. I took a SMALL bite of the salmon and agreed with her prognosis, along with that of my nose! We sent the salmon back and the kitchen prepared another piece, and it was phenomenal. That is life and that's how it goes at a restaurant sometimes. No problem.
That was a rare occurrence for someone in my family, but it was justified with the stinky fillet of fish. Some people are unbelievable about sending entries back and making a big stink about it. At the restaurant I used to work at there was a despicable regular named Cheryl that used to routinely send back her entries a second and third time. I thought this was strange that she would be that particular about her food as the lady was morbidly obese. She would take a few quick bites of her fish and send it back saying it was tough. Salmon. Tough. Right!
When a guest sends back an entree there is a whole process of things that need to occur. First, you have to get the front of the house manager involved. You have to inform him of the situation and what the guest said about the dish, my perception of the situation (is guest OK, or is she RED ZONE?). Then you have to go in the kitchen and get the kitchen manager involved. Usually he looks at you with disgust---as you are making his job more difficult---and gets adversarial about it. "This fish isn't tough!" "This fillet Mignon IS medium rare." "These veggies aren't overdone!" And the answer to the guests complaint, "Tell this lady to f*$& herself!".
After all the cordials and pleasantries in the kitchen, they have to make the guest another dish. From start to finish it took about eight minutes FROM THE TIME THE FISH HIT THE GRILL, not from the time you notified me and sent it back. As you now know, I have to get a bunch of different elements into action before your new entree is started. So don't look at me like you are some starving kid in a 3rd world country. It takes a while to cook a meal!
After your replacement dish is done cooking, usually a manager will personally deliver the 2nd entree. This is a whole lot faster than the customer not liking the 2nd piece and you have to go find the managers and all that jazz. At this point you have to order the second entree on the POS computer system and make sure to remember to make a comment line DO NOT MAKE, or you will have a lot of other problems to contend with! Next you have to find a manager and explain the entire situation again, and the manager has to adjust the check to account for the kitchen using another product. Imagine some lady sending back a second OR THIRD entree?
I had another miserable incident with another zschlubb at the restaurant I used to work at. This time the dish was lobster meat flash fried a salt and pepper style, served over a bed of shredded lettuce with a spritz of habanero oil. Some gentleman waved to get my attention. As I approached the table I asked if there was anything I could do for the table. "Yeah, my wife doesn't like her dish.", he said. I looked at his swine wife and noticed she was still shovelling pieces of the lobster meat into her mouth. I stood there a moment and just watched her shove another fork full of lobster meat into her mouth. I reached out and grabbed the plate from the lady like Indiana Jones grabbing the golden bust in Raiders of the Lost Ark. She looked at me in shock, as did her husband. I reasoned with them, "Hey, if she doesn't like the dish she shouldn't be eating it. I need to send it back to the kitchen manager, and there needs to be some left! I will be right back with a menu so the lady can make another selection!". I take the dish and run for my life!
Sending back a bad entree, or undercooked/overcooked? OK. Sending it back a 2nd and 3rd time, or send your entries back EVERY TIME you dine with us? No way. Find another restaurant to do your taste testing at, or find another staff to bully around. Thank you and have a nice day!
But not yet!
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First of all, and for the record I want to state that I DO believe in sending back an entree if it is not cooked properly, or if it were not fresh. I do NOT believe in being ridiculous about or abusing this principle. And of course a small percentage of our customers are guilty of abusing this to the nth degree.
Last summer I took my Mother out to lunch at the restaurant I worked at. I could literally smell my Mother's salmon dish as the server was approaching the table, which is never a good sign. As my Mom took a mouthful of salmon she made a sour look on her face. She felt funny complaining about an entree at the restaurant I worked at. I took a SMALL bite of the salmon and agreed with her prognosis, along with that of my nose! We sent the salmon back and the kitchen prepared another piece, and it was phenomenal. That is life and that's how it goes at a restaurant sometimes. No problem.
That was a rare occurrence for someone in my family, but it was justified with the stinky fillet of fish. Some people are unbelievable about sending entries back and making a big stink about it. At the restaurant I used to work at there was a despicable regular named Cheryl that used to routinely send back her entries a second and third time. I thought this was strange that she would be that particular about her food as the lady was morbidly obese. She would take a few quick bites of her fish and send it back saying it was tough. Salmon. Tough. Right!
When a guest sends back an entree there is a whole process of things that need to occur. First, you have to get the front of the house manager involved. You have to inform him of the situation and what the guest said about the dish, my perception of the situation (is guest OK, or is she RED ZONE?). Then you have to go in the kitchen and get the kitchen manager involved. Usually he looks at you with disgust---as you are making his job more difficult---and gets adversarial about it. "This fish isn't tough!" "This fillet Mignon IS medium rare." "These veggies aren't overdone!" And the answer to the guests complaint, "Tell this lady to f*$& herself!".
After all the cordials and pleasantries in the kitchen, they have to make the guest another dish. From start to finish it took about eight minutes FROM THE TIME THE FISH HIT THE GRILL, not from the time you notified me and sent it back. As you now know, I have to get a bunch of different elements into action before your new entree is started. So don't look at me like you are some starving kid in a 3rd world country. It takes a while to cook a meal!
After your replacement dish is done cooking, usually a manager will personally deliver the 2nd entree. This is a whole lot faster than the customer not liking the 2nd piece and you have to go find the managers and all that jazz. At this point you have to order the second entree on the POS computer system and make sure to remember to make a comment line DO NOT MAKE, or you will have a lot of other problems to contend with! Next you have to find a manager and explain the entire situation again, and the manager has to adjust the check to account for the kitchen using another product. Imagine some lady sending back a second OR THIRD entree?
I had another miserable incident with another zschlubb at the restaurant I used to work at. This time the dish was lobster meat flash fried a salt and pepper style, served over a bed of shredded lettuce with a spritz of habanero oil. Some gentleman waved to get my attention. As I approached the table I asked if there was anything I could do for the table. "Yeah, my wife doesn't like her dish.", he said. I looked at his swine wife and noticed she was still shovelling pieces of the lobster meat into her mouth. I stood there a moment and just watched her shove another fork full of lobster meat into her mouth. I reached out and grabbed the plate from the lady like Indiana Jones grabbing the golden bust in Raiders of the Lost Ark. She looked at me in shock, as did her husband. I reasoned with them, "Hey, if she doesn't like the dish she shouldn't be eating it. I need to send it back to the kitchen manager, and there needs to be some left! I will be right back with a menu so the lady can make another selection!". I take the dish and run for my life!
Sending back a bad entree, or undercooked/overcooked? OK. Sending it back a 2nd and 3rd time, or send your entries back EVERY TIME you dine with us? No way. Find another restaurant to do your taste testing at, or find another staff to bully around. Thank you and have a nice day!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Vacation
Entry 5 out of 5 from vacation in Florida......
It is almost midnight on Saturday and I have not had time to write a blog today. It has been a very busy day. I went to the Bonita Springs Art festival with my father, brother and cousin. Not really going to write a "cynical server worthy" entry today, just going to briefly talk about vacations and the food server.
Most restaurants will allow a server to take off brief periods of time here and there. With MOST food serving jobs, no work = no tips = no money. Some companies offer vacation after a year or two of loyal service. Usually they will pay you your hourly wage (which is considerably LOWER than minimum wages) based on the average hours you have been working for the year. In a best case scenario, this can pay for your benefits (if the restaurant you work at has insurance and benefits) or helps to pay the growing mountain of federal and state taxes that you will owe on April 15th.
Otherwise, when you return from vacation you will find yourself broke. In addition to having empty pockets, you will owe back wages for your benefits and taxes. That is always fun, being behind the eight ball.
BUT
We all need a little time off here and there. For a food server there is just a little bit higher of an opportunity cost. Just one of the perks for serving. Gotta work your ass off right up until the moment you to go on vacation. Then you go on vacation, which can be tiring as well. When you get back to civilization you have to work your ass off twice as hard to cover your daily expenses like rent, food and all of your bills.
Right before vacation I was losing it. One of the only things keeping me going was the light at the end of the tunnel---my vacation. Otherwise it is easy to lose your place with all the doubles and crazy holiday lunch shifts. Now I am almost done with my vacation, and I am starting to envision coming back to reality. Landing at the airport, taking a taxi home, picking up my two dogs and Amazon parrot and having to do all the doubles at work to "catch up" with my extravagant lifestyle. Ha! Have a great day!
It is almost midnight on Saturday and I have not had time to write a blog today. It has been a very busy day. I went to the Bonita Springs Art festival with my father, brother and cousin. Not really going to write a "cynical server worthy" entry today, just going to briefly talk about vacations and the food server.
Most restaurants will allow a server to take off brief periods of time here and there. With MOST food serving jobs, no work = no tips = no money. Some companies offer vacation after a year or two of loyal service. Usually they will pay you your hourly wage (which is considerably LOWER than minimum wages) based on the average hours you have been working for the year. In a best case scenario, this can pay for your benefits (if the restaurant you work at has insurance and benefits) or helps to pay the growing mountain of federal and state taxes that you will owe on April 15th.
Otherwise, when you return from vacation you will find yourself broke. In addition to having empty pockets, you will owe back wages for your benefits and taxes. That is always fun, being behind the eight ball.
BUT
We all need a little time off here and there. For a food server there is just a little bit higher of an opportunity cost. Just one of the perks for serving. Gotta work your ass off right up until the moment you to go on vacation. Then you go on vacation, which can be tiring as well. When you get back to civilization you have to work your ass off twice as hard to cover your daily expenses like rent, food and all of your bills.
Right before vacation I was losing it. One of the only things keeping me going was the light at the end of the tunnel---my vacation. Otherwise it is easy to lose your place with all the doubles and crazy holiday lunch shifts. Now I am almost done with my vacation, and I am starting to envision coming back to reality. Landing at the airport, taking a taxi home, picking up my two dogs and Amazon parrot and having to do all the doubles at work to "catch up" with my extravagant lifestyle. Ha! Have a great day!
Friday, January 9, 2009
I WANT AN OMELET!!!!
4 Blogs for 4 days on Vacation. This was another "journal" I wrote months ago, in my head.......
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When you are in the food service industry you deal with the absurd everyday. Absurd people, absurd requests and for sure, absurd expectations. Several months ago we had yet another absurd person come in with a really absurd request. As the server approached the table she noticed the customer had closed his menu, the international symbol that a diner has decided on an entree and is ready to order.
"Are you gentlemen ready to order?", Darcy asked the two elder gentlemen. "Yes we are.", one of the two men responded. "I'll have a cheeseburger cooked medium, with french fries.", ordered the first guy. The second guy gave Darcy a strange look and with a dry smile replied, "I'll have a cheddar cheese omelet." Darcy replied, "Sir, we don't have any omelets on the menu.". The man sat up straight---as he was looking forward to this controversy---and continued, "I WANT A CHEDDAR CHEESE OMELET!!!".
Darcy was taken back a bit and didn't know how to respond. How would you respond? We are a Chop house that serves salads, sammies, steaks, seafood dishes and phenomenal desserts. We DO NOT serve omelets or hash browns or eggs Benedict. The customer went on making a big deal about his desire to sink his fangs into an omelet. Darcy went and got one of the managers. "Hi, I'm Stuart, the manager. Can I help you with anything?", asked the young polite manager.
"Yeah, I want to order some food!", the guy ranted. By the way he was going on with the manager you would think he was trying to order his food and couldn't find his food server anywhere. You would have no idea he was trying to order something that our restaurant had no way of making, or any scale on which to charge for this imaginary menu item. Stuart told the man we weren't a breakfast house, and didn't have any omelets on the menu.
"DO YOU HAVE EGGS?", the man snarled. I really think he got off on this. "DO YOU HAVE CHEDDAR CHEESE?", he continued. "Yes we do.", answered Stuart. "THEN MAKE ME AN OMELET!", the man screamed. If I were the manager I would have pointed out, "Hey, we have cream and sugar too, but we can't make you creme brulee!". And this guy wasn't even being nice, or asking "Could you PLEASE make me an omelet?" He was full rage jackass making stupid and unreasonable demands.
I am so glad that the manager didn't crumble and have one of the line cooks step off the line and attempt to make this zschlubb an omelet. If he did there is probably close to 100% chance that the cook wouldn't have made the omelet to his liking. Or maybe the guy wouldn't be able to understand how we couldn't supply whole wheat toast for his omelet. Where do these people come from?
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When you are in the food service industry you deal with the absurd everyday. Absurd people, absurd requests and for sure, absurd expectations. Several months ago we had yet another absurd person come in with a really absurd request. As the server approached the table she noticed the customer had closed his menu, the international symbol that a diner has decided on an entree and is ready to order.
"Are you gentlemen ready to order?", Darcy asked the two elder gentlemen. "Yes we are.", one of the two men responded. "I'll have a cheeseburger cooked medium, with french fries.", ordered the first guy. The second guy gave Darcy a strange look and with a dry smile replied, "I'll have a cheddar cheese omelet." Darcy replied, "Sir, we don't have any omelets on the menu.". The man sat up straight---as he was looking forward to this controversy---and continued, "I WANT A CHEDDAR CHEESE OMELET!!!".
Darcy was taken back a bit and didn't know how to respond. How would you respond? We are a Chop house that serves salads, sammies, steaks, seafood dishes and phenomenal desserts. We DO NOT serve omelets or hash browns or eggs Benedict. The customer went on making a big deal about his desire to sink his fangs into an omelet. Darcy went and got one of the managers. "Hi, I'm Stuart, the manager. Can I help you with anything?", asked the young polite manager.
"Yeah, I want to order some food!", the guy ranted. By the way he was going on with the manager you would think he was trying to order his food and couldn't find his food server anywhere. You would have no idea he was trying to order something that our restaurant had no way of making, or any scale on which to charge for this imaginary menu item. Stuart told the man we weren't a breakfast house, and didn't have any omelets on the menu.
"DO YOU HAVE EGGS?", the man snarled. I really think he got off on this. "DO YOU HAVE CHEDDAR CHEESE?", he continued. "Yes we do.", answered Stuart. "THEN MAKE ME AN OMELET!", the man screamed. If I were the manager I would have pointed out, "Hey, we have cream and sugar too, but we can't make you creme brulee!". And this guy wasn't even being nice, or asking "Could you PLEASE make me an omelet?" He was full rage jackass making stupid and unreasonable demands.
I am so glad that the manager didn't crumble and have one of the line cooks step off the line and attempt to make this zschlubb an omelet. If he did there is probably close to 100% chance that the cook wouldn't have made the omelet to his liking. Or maybe the guy wouldn't be able to understand how we couldn't supply whole wheat toast for his omelet. Where do these people come from?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Fair Compensation
3rd Blog entry in 3 days.........while on vacation.
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In 2008 there was a very bad case of salmonella that spread across the country. The evil perpetrator? Tomatoes. Nobody knew which types of tomatoes or from which growers the problem originated, so most restaurants and local grocery stores temporarily discontinued using tomatoes as a safety precaution. After all, NOBODY wants their name in the paper for selling contaminated products!
So this one lady comes up to the carry out counter for her order. She examines the contents of her package and notices the house salad doesn't have tomatoes. She makes a comment to the 17 year old working the counter, who goes and grabs one of the managers for this irate lady.
Marv approaches the carry out counter and does the customary, "I am the manager. Is there a problem here?" schpiel.
"Yes there's a problem here. My salad doesn't have tomatoes in it!!!!!", the lady answers.
"Ummmmmm, Ma'am........I don't know if you were aware, but there is a national problem with salmonella going on right now. As a precautionary measure, we have temporarily removed tomatoes from our products. As soon as the situation is corrected we will put the tomatoes back in our dishes.", Marv responded.
Here's my favorite part: "So HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO COMPENSATE ME?", she asks Marv. The nerve of this lady. When there is a national epidemic on tomatoes, this lady thinks the restaurant OWES it to her to compensate her for her problems..... OY VEY! Personally I would have loved to be a manager for one second---just to respond to this moronic lady!
I'd say something clever, but not too mean like, "Your compensation is the reward of NOT getting salmonella and sitting on the toilet with explosive diarrhea for 3 days!". Unbelievable. Can you imagine if this lady had been served tainted tomatoes by us? She would have a JACKPOT lawsuit, and I am sure any restaurant with the available funds would rapidly settle out of court ($$$) to keep a low profile on this unfortunate situation.
In another ridiculous story regarding some lady that thought she was entitled to the world..... Some lady was upset with her carry out order of one of our salads (there's those crazy salad people again!). She was riddling the poor carry out attendant about her order. Here's another "End of the world" situation, you could just tell! So what's this ladies beef? She thought we ripped her off in the lettuce department. HA HA HA
You see, our carry out salad container is a clear plastic container with approx dimensions of 4" deep, and it is rectangular approx 5" X 9". The container holds 4 scoops of the lettuce mixture (iceberg/romaine), proper tomatoes, corn, this, that, and all other ingredients EXCEPT the salad dressing. You see, the salad dressing is served in a 4 oz souffle cup---so it doesn't make the salad soggy. The 4 oz souffle cup is set on the top of the salad container and it is all enclosed. This way the dressing could not be forgotten at the restaurant, or spill out of the carry out bag. That's how it was designed, and that is how it is!
So this lady is upset that the dressing container was INSIDE the salad container and was wondering HOW WE EXPECTED TO COMPENSATE HER for her lost lettuce mixture. Imagine these rodents with nothing better to do than complain about allegedly missing lettuce. And let me guarantee you, there is PLENTY of lettuce and every other ingredient in the container. One of the managers comes to the counter to deal with this deranged wacko. "Good afternoon Ma'am. My name is Stuart. How can I help you?", starts our very polite, mild-mannered manager. The lady explains that she wants the lettuce that she lost out on because of the space that the dressing container took up. Stuart explained to her that the container has the 4 scoops of lettuce that it does when ordered in the restaurant.
"You don't expect me to believe that, do you?", asks the lady looking totally shocked and in disbelief. "Ma'am it has EXACTLY the same amount of lettuce." repeated poor Stuart. "Well I don't believe you!", the lady states. A small crowd was gathering and watching this lady have a fit. If I were the manager I would have told her to call the police and file a report, or to file a lawsuit that we (name of restaurant here) ripped her off of her proper amount of lettuce mixture. What jury wouldn't side with this crazy lady?
As it was this lady wouldn't leave Stuart alone, so he says he'll have the General Manager call her in the morning. "We'll he had better call me!", the lady says in a menacing way. I am thinking OR WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO BURN THE PLACE DOWN OR GO POSTAL BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET ENOUGH LETTUCE FOR YOUR SALAD??? IS THIS A NATIONAL CRISIS??? LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION???
And the truth of the matter is a 4 oz souffle cup doesn't take up an awful lot of space in this giant carry out container. The only thing I can figure out is this lady doesn't get heard in her work place or home, and this is her one spot to throw stink on somebody else. GET A LIFE, LADY! Don't get your validation from bullying a 17 year old carry out worker, or snapping at the food servers or young managers. There are certainly worse things that could have happened to you than NOT being served tainted tomatoes, or getting cheated out of an imaginary clump of lettuce.
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In 2008 there was a very bad case of salmonella that spread across the country. The evil perpetrator? Tomatoes. Nobody knew which types of tomatoes or from which growers the problem originated, so most restaurants and local grocery stores temporarily discontinued using tomatoes as a safety precaution. After all, NOBODY wants their name in the paper for selling contaminated products!
So this one lady comes up to the carry out counter for her order. She examines the contents of her package and notices the house salad doesn't have tomatoes. She makes a comment to the 17 year old working the counter, who goes and grabs one of the managers for this irate lady.
Marv approaches the carry out counter and does the customary, "I am the manager. Is there a problem here?" schpiel.
"Yes there's a problem here. My salad doesn't have tomatoes in it!!!!!", the lady answers.
"Ummmmmm, Ma'am........I don't know if you were aware, but there is a national problem with salmonella going on right now. As a precautionary measure, we have temporarily removed tomatoes from our products. As soon as the situation is corrected we will put the tomatoes back in our dishes.", Marv responded.
Here's my favorite part: "So HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO COMPENSATE ME?", she asks Marv. The nerve of this lady. When there is a national epidemic on tomatoes, this lady thinks the restaurant OWES it to her to compensate her for her problems..... OY VEY! Personally I would have loved to be a manager for one second---just to respond to this moronic lady!
I'd say something clever, but not too mean like, "Your compensation is the reward of NOT getting salmonella and sitting on the toilet with explosive diarrhea for 3 days!". Unbelievable. Can you imagine if this lady had been served tainted tomatoes by us? She would have a JACKPOT lawsuit, and I am sure any restaurant with the available funds would rapidly settle out of court ($$$) to keep a low profile on this unfortunate situation.
In another ridiculous story regarding some lady that thought she was entitled to the world..... Some lady was upset with her carry out order of one of our salads (there's those crazy salad people again!). She was riddling the poor carry out attendant about her order. Here's another "End of the world" situation, you could just tell! So what's this ladies beef? She thought we ripped her off in the lettuce department. HA HA HA
You see, our carry out salad container is a clear plastic container with approx dimensions of 4" deep, and it is rectangular approx 5" X 9". The container holds 4 scoops of the lettuce mixture (iceberg/romaine), proper tomatoes, corn, this, that, and all other ingredients EXCEPT the salad dressing. You see, the salad dressing is served in a 4 oz souffle cup---so it doesn't make the salad soggy. The 4 oz souffle cup is set on the top of the salad container and it is all enclosed. This way the dressing could not be forgotten at the restaurant, or spill out of the carry out bag. That's how it was designed, and that is how it is!
So this lady is upset that the dressing container was INSIDE the salad container and was wondering HOW WE EXPECTED TO COMPENSATE HER for her lost lettuce mixture. Imagine these rodents with nothing better to do than complain about allegedly missing lettuce. And let me guarantee you, there is PLENTY of lettuce and every other ingredient in the container. One of the managers comes to the counter to deal with this deranged wacko. "Good afternoon Ma'am. My name is Stuart. How can I help you?", starts our very polite, mild-mannered manager. The lady explains that she wants the lettuce that she lost out on because of the space that the dressing container took up. Stuart explained to her that the container has the 4 scoops of lettuce that it does when ordered in the restaurant.
"You don't expect me to believe that, do you?", asks the lady looking totally shocked and in disbelief. "Ma'am it has EXACTLY the same amount of lettuce." repeated poor Stuart. "Well I don't believe you!", the lady states. A small crowd was gathering and watching this lady have a fit. If I were the manager I would have told her to call the police and file a report, or to file a lawsuit that we (name of restaurant here) ripped her off of her proper amount of lettuce mixture. What jury wouldn't side with this crazy lady?
As it was this lady wouldn't leave Stuart alone, so he says he'll have the General Manager call her in the morning. "We'll he had better call me!", the lady says in a menacing way. I am thinking OR WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO BURN THE PLACE DOWN OR GO POSTAL BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET ENOUGH LETTUCE FOR YOUR SALAD??? IS THIS A NATIONAL CRISIS??? LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION???
And the truth of the matter is a 4 oz souffle cup doesn't take up an awful lot of space in this giant carry out container. The only thing I can figure out is this lady doesn't get heard in her work place or home, and this is her one spot to throw stink on somebody else. GET A LIFE, LADY! Don't get your validation from bullying a 17 year old carry out worker, or snapping at the food servers or young managers. There are certainly worse things that could have happened to you than NOT being served tainted tomatoes, or getting cheated out of an imaginary clump of lettuce.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Meal And Peel
From my vacation in Florida I am attempting on going 2 entries in 2 days.........
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Perhaps one of the greatest nightmares for a food server is when a table skips out without paying their bill. I have heard it called "meal and peel", "dash n dine" and a host of other names. I don't care which clever little nickname you call it, it's stealing and you deserve to get your ass kicked if you try to pull that crap.
There are a lot of reasons why this game is wrong. First of all sit is illegal, and the restaurant WILL procecute. Second of all, some restaurants make their food servers pay for walk offs. Yes, this is illegal, but try telling the owner of some small restaurant in the city it's illegal and you might find yourself out of a job or catching EVERY crappy station in the restaurant (for the readers information, USUALLY good and crappy stations rotate so it evens out). For the restaurants that do not force their employees to pay there are a lot of other options, and all are bad for the server.
At the last restaurant I worked at, they gave you the luxury of a choice: 1) Pay the check, or 2) Take a write-up (being reprimanded and having it documented in "the book"). In addition, if you had a couple write-ups they let you go. Another restaurant I worked at would not make you pay for the walk-out, but would just write you up. Again, too many write-ups and you are gone!
Another consideration for walk outs is that you lost all that time serving them for free. Your opportunity cost is extremely high for this table. You could have spent the time giving that other deuce better service, or refilled table #54's coffee four or five more times. Instead you gave all the care and attention to this table that split on you without paying their tab. And you still have to pay TIP SHARE* for this walk out. (*Tipshare is an amount of money that is paid to the house for having THE PRIVILEGE of your busboys services, or the hostess, or the bartender. Tipshare is a percentage based on the amount of the check. Tipshare amounts of 4.5% up to over 10%!!!!!).
For the real "shit and giggles" part, you have to tell your manager that a table walked out. He might tell you to run out in the parking lot and try to find the scumbags. Or he might yell at you---right in front of everybody----"HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?????". He might just say "We have to sit down and write this in THE BOOK after the shift.". Boy, let me tell you, nothing makes a shift go any better than hearing a manager say "We have to talk after the shift". Talk about a headache.....
I always love it when a table JOKES that they are going to run out without paying for the check. I usually answer, "IF you think you can make it to your car, then go for it. BUT I am warning you that I move pretty fast, and I will tackle you HARD on the concrete in the parking lot and drag you back in until the police arrive!". Usually my funny guy at the table has shut up by now, or that stupid grin he had a moment ago is nowhere in sight. I don't think there's anything remotely funny about doing the "meal and Peel" or "dash and dine".
You wouldn't skip out on your dentist after he does $600 worth of filling cavities in your mouth, would you? You wouldn't blow off a bill from a landscaper for manicuring your lawn, bushes and trees, would you? Try sneaking out of your Chevy dealer without paying your check. It ain't gonna happen! So why take it out on your poor server?
It is not a game, it is a crime. I would take a line of Robert DeNiro's character from the movie CASINO. "Take him out of here....and use his FACE to open the door!". Right to the cops.
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Perhaps one of the greatest nightmares for a food server is when a table skips out without paying their bill. I have heard it called "meal and peel", "dash n dine" and a host of other names. I don't care which clever little nickname you call it, it's stealing and you deserve to get your ass kicked if you try to pull that crap.
There are a lot of reasons why this game is wrong. First of all sit is illegal, and the restaurant WILL procecute. Second of all, some restaurants make their food servers pay for walk offs. Yes, this is illegal, but try telling the owner of some small restaurant in the city it's illegal and you might find yourself out of a job or catching EVERY crappy station in the restaurant (for the readers information, USUALLY good and crappy stations rotate so it evens out). For the restaurants that do not force their employees to pay there are a lot of other options, and all are bad for the server.
At the last restaurant I worked at, they gave you the luxury of a choice: 1) Pay the check, or 2) Take a write-up (being reprimanded and having it documented in "the book"). In addition, if you had a couple write-ups they let you go. Another restaurant I worked at would not make you pay for the walk-out, but would just write you up. Again, too many write-ups and you are gone!
Another consideration for walk outs is that you lost all that time serving them for free. Your opportunity cost is extremely high for this table. You could have spent the time giving that other deuce better service, or refilled table #54's coffee four or five more times. Instead you gave all the care and attention to this table that split on you without paying their tab. And you still have to pay TIP SHARE* for this walk out. (*Tipshare is an amount of money that is paid to the house for having THE PRIVILEGE of your busboys services, or the hostess, or the bartender. Tipshare is a percentage based on the amount of the check. Tipshare amounts of 4.5% up to over 10%!!!!!).
For the real "shit and giggles" part, you have to tell your manager that a table walked out. He might tell you to run out in the parking lot and try to find the scumbags. Or he might yell at you---right in front of everybody----"HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?????". He might just say "We have to sit down and write this in THE BOOK after the shift.". Boy, let me tell you, nothing makes a shift go any better than hearing a manager say "We have to talk after the shift". Talk about a headache.....
I always love it when a table JOKES that they are going to run out without paying for the check. I usually answer, "IF you think you can make it to your car, then go for it. BUT I am warning you that I move pretty fast, and I will tackle you HARD on the concrete in the parking lot and drag you back in until the police arrive!". Usually my funny guy at the table has shut up by now, or that stupid grin he had a moment ago is nowhere in sight. I don't think there's anything remotely funny about doing the "meal and Peel" or "dash and dine".
You wouldn't skip out on your dentist after he does $600 worth of filling cavities in your mouth, would you? You wouldn't blow off a bill from a landscaper for manicuring your lawn, bushes and trees, would you? Try sneaking out of your Chevy dealer without paying your check. It ain't gonna happen! So why take it out on your poor server?
It is not a game, it is a crime. I would take a line of Robert DeNiro's character from the movie CASINO. "Take him out of here....and use his FACE to open the door!". Right to the cops.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The Chopped Salad
As I write this installment of my blog, I am on vacation in Bonita Springs, FL. I am from Chicago, where it is expected to reach a high of 12' today. When I went to Sam's Club and Publix to load up on groceries it was 81' this afternoon. To call this place "paradise" is a total understatement, but then any place is paradise compared to the craziness at work now with the holiday bonus cards. So why write my blog while I am on vacation? Because I am a disturbed individual and I need to vent! Just kidding. I made a goal to write an entry every day while I was out of town free from my daily distractions like work, my dogs, my parrot and the phone ringing nonstop every time I attempt to wrote in this diary.
My goal is to write every day, but at the end of the vacation we will see just how many of my tales will have wound up in my blog. Today is Day#1 and I am finally writing down an episode entitled "The Chopped Salad". The story was written "in my head" months ago. I just didn't have the time to put it on the blog until now.
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The restaurant I work at has one of the most amazing chopped salads that I have ever encountered. I am not exaggerating when I say that it is perhaps one of man's finest culinary achievements---in the category of "salads". The salad has depth and character from the first delicious fork full until the last morsel is devoured.
The way it was intended to be served was:
---mixture of iceberg lettuce and romaine.
---scallions.
---bacon.
---spit-roasted herb marinated chicken breast.
---tomatoes.
---fresh corn.
---bleu cheese crumbles.
---tortilla strips.
All ingredients are tossed in a salad bowl with a home made citrus vinaigrette dressing and finally topped with fresh, ripe avocado.
That was how the powers that be INTENDED it to be served, but I can guarantee you that IF somebody ordered it how it was intended to be served, the manager would practically do a double-take! And the thing is, I can understand modifying it slightly. I can understand it if you keep Kosher and don't eat bacon. I can understand it if your daughter doesn't like the adult taste of bleu cheese crumbles. I can understand it if your son doesn't like tomatoes. It is easy to put something on the side, or to skip something like the scallions. What I don't understand is people's idea that they can come in and custom order a salad like it was on the assembly line at Subway ($5 footlongs---YEAH BABY!!!!).
On one of my first shifts at the new restaurant I had a lady actually make 9 modifications on the chopped salad. She didn't want chicken or bacon, but instead wanted us to substitute grilled shrimp like they use on the Greek Shrimp Salad EXCEPT she didn't want the shrimp seasoned that way. She wanted it to be seasoned with olive oil, lemon and pepper. Then she didn't want the iceberg/romaine mix. She wanted exclusively romaine lettuce. She didn't want the chopped tomatoes, but instead wanted the plum tomatoes, like they used on the steak and bleu cheese salad. She didn't want the pungent bleu cheese, but wanted the goat cheese in it's place. As for dressings (DEAR GOD) she didn't want the salad mixed with the citrus. Instead she wanted citrus dressing on the side, with 1000 Island dressing on the side with the house vinaigrette also on the side. A few other "minor" custom alterations and we were almost there.
As there were numerous modifications, I decided it would be best to put a SEE ME on the salad ticket, so I could attempt to explain this crazy ladies idea of a chopped salad to the poor girl working in the salad station. As I approached the salad station I noticed Lupita had a look on her face like if she weren't only 5' tall she would hurdle the counter top separating us and stick a set of salad tongs up my ass. I literally spent 5 minutes explaining this ladies custom salad to Lupita and then the kitchen manager had to get involved. That is never a good sign! Finally they looked at me and acknowledged like they understood. "No way in hell this ladies salad comes out like she wants it.", I thought to myself.
Now I had to go tell the lady that there would be a charge to substitute grilled shrimp for the bacon and spit-roasted chicken breast. "WHAT? WHY IS THERE A CHARGE? I AM NOT EATING THE BACON OR CHICKEN.". I tried to reason with her that they had to charge for the shrimp as it was an extra ingredient not normally found on the world famous chopped salad. I pointed out that there would be a similar charge if she were to ask for the tenderloin tips instead of the chicken and bacon. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE TENDERLOIN TIP. I WANT THE GRILLED SHRIMP!". At this point I realize the severity of her madness and say my favorite "Get out of jail card", "That is not a decision I am allowed to make. Let me get the manager for you, Ma'am.". She nods her red face with her arms crossed like a spoiled little princess used to getting her way.
I look around the dance floor to see my options. One manager is already at a different table dealing with a crisis. The second manager is on the phone with a guest. My options are limited, so I go to Marv. I quickly explain the situation to ole' Marv and he listens intensely. He looks over at the lady and rolls his eyes. "Give her the shrimp....." he says. He has dealt with this crazy lady before and doesn't want to argue with her. Most managers prefer to avoid controversy, or angry guests at all costs. Game over. Crazy lady 1, my restaurant 0.
I inform crazy salad lady that she will be able to have the grilled shrimp at no extra charge. She smiles and looks at me like, "I told you so!". All in a days work. In regards to our magnificent chopped salad, there is a button in the computers modification section that is "EOS", which means EVERYTHING on the side. Personally I like when people order EOS because it makes my job a lot easier. All I have to do is walk to the table, place the ramekins of all the individual sides of avocado, bacon, scallions, chicken, tomatoes, tortilla strips, scallions, dressing and corn on the table and throw a small pile of lettuce in every bodies bowl and walk away and laugh. Now I don't have to hear, "You gave him all the bleu cheese" or "I didn't get any avocados" or any other whiny complaints you can imagine.
Another thing I hate is when some lady has some ridiculous "requests" (or DEMANDS, let's be honest!) for her salad and forgets to mention one of them to me. One thing about me is I ALWAYS repeat orders to the guests. One reason is I don't like to make mistakes, so I repeat EVERYTHING. The other reason is that I am somewhat hard of hearing, so I repeat EVERY part of the order as a means of accuracy. So this one crazy lady asks for a Greek shrimp salad with no yogurt sauce, no red onions, no roasted garlic and instead of the goat cheese she wants bleu cheese. She also wanted the flat bread on the side, so it didn't get soggy! There might have been a few other demands, I cannot remember.
After repeating every modification she had given me I raced to the computer to enter the order. After Lupita shot me another look to kill I served the salad. As I was dishing it out she blabs out "I WANTED DRESSING ON THE SIDE!". "Then why didn't you ask me for dressing on the side?", I asked her. "I repeated every special detail you gave me, and you didn't say anything about dressing on the side." "I forgot.", she said. No apology. No nothing. I wanted to take that Greek shrimp salad and dump it on her head. THANKS FOR ALL THE EXTRA WORK I HAVE TO DO NOW, BITCH!
As I walk over to Lupita's station with the heavily modified salad in my hand she has this look like, "Oh no you di'in't" and another look like I was about to get a pair of salad tongs in a very uncomfortable place. Then I had to tell the manager another COMP for the restaurant---which means a loss of product or sales. This situation was unacceptable because I read her back all of the special specs she wanted for her salad. It is not the restaurant's fault she forgot to say "Dressing on the side.". Or "Please", for that matter. At the very least she should have apologized for the inconveniences she caused the restaurant.
The Chopped Salad. Man's greatest culinary achievement, or the biggest pain in my ass?
My goal is to write every day, but at the end of the vacation we will see just how many of my tales will have wound up in my blog. Today is Day#1 and I am finally writing down an episode entitled "The Chopped Salad". The story was written "in my head" months ago. I just didn't have the time to put it on the blog until now.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The restaurant I work at has one of the most amazing chopped salads that I have ever encountered. I am not exaggerating when I say that it is perhaps one of man's finest culinary achievements---in the category of "salads". The salad has depth and character from the first delicious fork full until the last morsel is devoured.
The way it was intended to be served was:
---mixture of iceberg lettuce and romaine.
---scallions.
---bacon.
---spit-roasted herb marinated chicken breast.
---tomatoes.
---fresh corn.
---bleu cheese crumbles.
---tortilla strips.
All ingredients are tossed in a salad bowl with a home made citrus vinaigrette dressing and finally topped with fresh, ripe avocado.
That was how the powers that be INTENDED it to be served, but I can guarantee you that IF somebody ordered it how it was intended to be served, the manager would practically do a double-take! And the thing is, I can understand modifying it slightly. I can understand it if you keep Kosher and don't eat bacon. I can understand it if your daughter doesn't like the adult taste of bleu cheese crumbles. I can understand it if your son doesn't like tomatoes. It is easy to put something on the side, or to skip something like the scallions. What I don't understand is people's idea that they can come in and custom order a salad like it was on the assembly line at Subway ($5 footlongs---YEAH BABY!!!!).
On one of my first shifts at the new restaurant I had a lady actually make 9 modifications on the chopped salad. She didn't want chicken or bacon, but instead wanted us to substitute grilled shrimp like they use on the Greek Shrimp Salad EXCEPT she didn't want the shrimp seasoned that way. She wanted it to be seasoned with olive oil, lemon and pepper. Then she didn't want the iceberg/romaine mix. She wanted exclusively romaine lettuce. She didn't want the chopped tomatoes, but instead wanted the plum tomatoes, like they used on the steak and bleu cheese salad. She didn't want the pungent bleu cheese, but wanted the goat cheese in it's place. As for dressings (DEAR GOD) she didn't want the salad mixed with the citrus. Instead she wanted citrus dressing on the side, with 1000 Island dressing on the side with the house vinaigrette also on the side. A few other "minor" custom alterations and we were almost there.
As there were numerous modifications, I decided it would be best to put a SEE ME on the salad ticket, so I could attempt to explain this crazy ladies idea of a chopped salad to the poor girl working in the salad station. As I approached the salad station I noticed Lupita had a look on her face like if she weren't only 5' tall she would hurdle the counter top separating us and stick a set of salad tongs up my ass. I literally spent 5 minutes explaining this ladies custom salad to Lupita and then the kitchen manager had to get involved. That is never a good sign! Finally they looked at me and acknowledged like they understood. "No way in hell this ladies salad comes out like she wants it.", I thought to myself.
Now I had to go tell the lady that there would be a charge to substitute grilled shrimp for the bacon and spit-roasted chicken breast. "WHAT? WHY IS THERE A CHARGE? I AM NOT EATING THE BACON OR CHICKEN.". I tried to reason with her that they had to charge for the shrimp as it was an extra ingredient not normally found on the world famous chopped salad. I pointed out that there would be a similar charge if she were to ask for the tenderloin tips instead of the chicken and bacon. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE TENDERLOIN TIP. I WANT THE GRILLED SHRIMP!". At this point I realize the severity of her madness and say my favorite "Get out of jail card", "That is not a decision I am allowed to make. Let me get the manager for you, Ma'am.". She nods her red face with her arms crossed like a spoiled little princess used to getting her way.
I look around the dance floor to see my options. One manager is already at a different table dealing with a crisis. The second manager is on the phone with a guest. My options are limited, so I go to Marv. I quickly explain the situation to ole' Marv and he listens intensely. He looks over at the lady and rolls his eyes. "Give her the shrimp....." he says. He has dealt with this crazy lady before and doesn't want to argue with her. Most managers prefer to avoid controversy, or angry guests at all costs. Game over. Crazy lady 1, my restaurant 0.
I inform crazy salad lady that she will be able to have the grilled shrimp at no extra charge. She smiles and looks at me like, "I told you so!". All in a days work. In regards to our magnificent chopped salad, there is a button in the computers modification section that is "EOS", which means EVERYTHING on the side. Personally I like when people order EOS because it makes my job a lot easier. All I have to do is walk to the table, place the ramekins of all the individual sides of avocado, bacon, scallions, chicken, tomatoes, tortilla strips, scallions, dressing and corn on the table and throw a small pile of lettuce in every bodies bowl and walk away and laugh. Now I don't have to hear, "You gave him all the bleu cheese" or "I didn't get any avocados" or any other whiny complaints you can imagine.
Another thing I hate is when some lady has some ridiculous "requests" (or DEMANDS, let's be honest!) for her salad and forgets to mention one of them to me. One thing about me is I ALWAYS repeat orders to the guests. One reason is I don't like to make mistakes, so I repeat EVERYTHING. The other reason is that I am somewhat hard of hearing, so I repeat EVERY part of the order as a means of accuracy. So this one crazy lady asks for a Greek shrimp salad with no yogurt sauce, no red onions, no roasted garlic and instead of the goat cheese she wants bleu cheese. She also wanted the flat bread on the side, so it didn't get soggy! There might have been a few other demands, I cannot remember.
After repeating every modification she had given me I raced to the computer to enter the order. After Lupita shot me another look to kill I served the salad. As I was dishing it out she blabs out "I WANTED DRESSING ON THE SIDE!". "Then why didn't you ask me for dressing on the side?", I asked her. "I repeated every special detail you gave me, and you didn't say anything about dressing on the side." "I forgot.", she said. No apology. No nothing. I wanted to take that Greek shrimp salad and dump it on her head. THANKS FOR ALL THE EXTRA WORK I HAVE TO DO NOW, BITCH!
As I walk over to Lupita's station with the heavily modified salad in my hand she has this look like, "Oh no you di'in't" and another look like I was about to get a pair of salad tongs in a very uncomfortable place. Then I had to tell the manager another COMP for the restaurant---which means a loss of product or sales. This situation was unacceptable because I read her back all of the special specs she wanted for her salad. It is not the restaurant's fault she forgot to say "Dressing on the side.". Or "Please", for that matter. At the very least she should have apologized for the inconveniences she caused the restaurant.
The Chopped Salad. Man's greatest culinary achievement, or the biggest pain in my ass?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year's Eve
First of all, a happy and healthy New Year to all of my readers and co-workers that work in the trenches of the restaurant industry serving food. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back and say "Nice job!", because you probably won't hear anybody else say that to you.
I would also like to thank the customers that are NICE, polite, FRIENDLY (or at least non-hostile!) and decent people. People that are understanding if their entrees take longer on one of the busiest nights of the year (New Year's Eve). These people are the backbone of the restaurant industry, and I personally thank each and every one of them. Believe it or not, there are a small percentage of customers that fuel all the blogs of disgruntled food servers all around the world. To those people I say "HAVE A NICE DAY, ASSHOLE! Oh, and Happy New Year!".
Last night was crazy. My restaurant had over 1,200 reservations from 3PM through 11:15PM. On a busy Saturday night we would probably have 600 or so reservations, so we knew it was going to be very busy. When you know it is going to be busy you take time to stock enough spoons, forks, to go containers (all sizes with different sized souffle cups and lids to wrap up cole slaw or extra salad dressing....). The kitchen also tries to prep the signature dishes (prime rib, BBQ ribs, twice baked potatoes...). No matter how hard you try, or how much you stock it is NEVER enough. I never get over how somebody can get upset if we run out of the daily special at 10PM on New Year's Eve.
It would be one thing if a couple specifically made reservations for dinner at 5:30 so that they could enjoy their favorite entree or appetizer (or dessert....) and we ran out of it at 5:30. Then I could understand getting upset. But if you come in at 10:30PM on New Year's Eve and find we ran out of prime rib---which takes 4 hours to roast, don't get your undies in a bunch. Same with smoked BBQ ribs. We can't take a slab out of the freezer and zap 'em in the microwave. They are hand rubbed with a dry rub, then smoked in hickory wood, then cooked in the broiler.
Through one misunderstanding after another, on of my tables sat vacant for over three hours on the busiest night of the year. I wasn't exactly quiet about it either. I mentioned it to the hostess. "Oh, they have checked in.", she tells me. 30 minutes later she says "Only 4 of the 7 showed up so we put them at 74. There's another party at 5:45....". I talk to the manager and he says he'll look into it.... Apparently that's all he does islook into it. Another hour or so goes by and finally I get my first party at table 61. It is 4 couples that are in their 70's that have play tickets to the Marriot theater and have to order and be served immediately! Ha ha ha!
During this time my other three tables are turning and being sat again. Somehow I do the miraculous and serve the 8 people salads, tend to my other tables, and enter their dinner order. As the meal was completing they handed me 4 credit cards and 3 frequent diner cards. MAJOR PAIN IN THE ASS! My restaurant's computer is a pain in the ass for splitting up checks and frequent diner points. With some systems it will actually divide and separate checks into two parties, three parties, four parties.... Not our system. Our system you manually put in the dollar amount, then swipe the credit card. After the card is approved, you have to put in the next dollar amount, then hit CREDIT CARD AUTHORIZATION. At this point a new window pops up and it asks you to enter 1) New credit card or 2) The first credit card's number---like you are going to re-ring it.
By this time the server behind you is acting agitated and rudely asks, "Are you going to be long?". "Yeah, 4 credit cards and 3 frequent diners...". "OH SHIT!" the server behind me blurts out. Now I enter the third credit card and go through the extra windows and wait for approval. Now I can enter the fourth and final credit card. "Phew, that was a close one!" , I thought to myself as I got the last credit card signed off. Now for the ferschluggener frequent diner points. I entered one third of the amount and hit ISSUE POINTS. I swipe the first card and wait. And wait. And wait. Then the computer refreshes it's screen and says "Next". I look confused because my trusty and reliable computer didn't print out a hard copy of the points. Oh well......
I entered one third of the amount and again hit ISSUE POINTS. Then I swiped the second card and waited. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi..... Then a horrible evil terrible screen pops up "EXCEEDS POINTS". What this meant in English was that even though I typed in one third of the amount before I swiped MR Kaufman's card, it gave him ALL the frequent diner points. I went running around the madhouse restaurant looking for a manager to fix this problem, to simply wave his manager card and make it go away. I find "Stuart" and tell him the quandary I am in. "I can fix this in a minute---first I have to go and blah blah blah....". I didn't listen to the rest. I knew these old timers were very impatiently chomping at the bit (or their dentures). I look around and see another manager that doesn't like to have to fix problems and bypass him.
I am alone on this one with my back to the wall. I walk up to the table plotting my monologue. I told the table that I split the check into 4 equal parts, as they had requested me too, BUT somehow the frequent diner points computer assigned all the points to Mr Kaufman. I pointed out that I could have the manager fix it by going into the office, going online and entering the correct amounts on each of their respective accounts. I told them it would take several minutes, and that I heard them say that they were late for a theater at the Marriott. After several seconds I also added that since it was Mr Kaufman's birthday that evening, it would be a generous "gift" to give him the frequent diner points.
I knew there would be nobody with big enough balls to say "Bernie doesn't deserve 238 points---I WANT MINE!". SO they left for the Marriott theater. Again table 61 sat unoccupied for another 30-45 minutes. God Bless the hostesses!
I got my last table at 61 around 10:30 and one of the diners said, "The manager said we can do separate checks, and it is OK for you to add the gratuity". First of all, it is not OK to add the gratuity for groups of 6 or more, it is MANDATORY in my company (that is, my restaurant and all of the other 30 or 40 restaurants that are owned by the company) to add a gratuity to ALL parties of 6 or more. There was a lawsuit some years back that one minority family felt insulted that THEY were charged the gratuity, but some white table next to them were NOT charged the gratuity. Big lawsuit, and ALL parties of 6 or more get the gratuity.
Already I don't like this table. The way the guy told me about the separate checks instead of asking made him a prick. And he generously offered to pay the gratuity that was on the table before he sat his fat ass down.... What a schmuck. Anyways, I put on my happy face and say "Happy New Year and welcome to (name of my restaurant).". I tell them that we are out of the BBQ ribs and one lady gets very upset. I am thinking to myself, "It's after 10:30, lady. We did over 1,300 covers for the day. No BBQ ribs. Get over it!". Instead I just smile and go over the rest of the specials.
After I got the table their shrimp cocktails, soups and salads I entered their order. Somehow the subject of ribs comes up later and it comes out that we still have the St Louis Spare ribs. "You didn't tell me that!", the lady barks. Again, I am thinking to myself, "I said we are out of BBQ ribs, I didn't say anything about the St Louis Mustard spare ribs...". Now she asks a stupid question: "Did you put our order in yet?". UN-FRIGGIN' BELIEVABLE, LADY! I try to maintain composure, which is extremely difficult to do after being stampeded by diners that are in a hurry for almost 10 hours at this point. "Yes Ma'am. I entered your order after I served your salads. Your order should be out any minute now....". She shut up.
Now on any other night I would have offered her the option of making another selection, but by now it was after 11:00PM on New Year's Eve, and she had placed her order over 25 minutes ago. The food would be up any second, and I didn't have the heart to tell the kitchen manager about the changes. Or the cooks, who were cleaning up the ovens and grills and broilers by now. I also didn't have the nerve or desire to tell the manager that he would have to COMP a meal ("comped" as it had been prepared), to take it off the separate check, and to add a "DON'T MAKE" to another meal for this lady. Not at 11:15 on New Year's Eve. Not for this rude lady.
One point I forgot to mention was that at 10:30 when the table was seated in my station the rude lady barked out "We want out New Year's hats!". At 10:30 they didn't exist. All of a sudden at 11PM they were practically nonexistent. I grabbed 7 noise makers and the last "derby" hat and the last two "princess" hats and walked to the table. "I TOLD YOU I WANTED HATS", this lady blabs out. I lost my cool and said "Ma'am, I haven't been away from this table since the moment you sat down. I haven't had a chance to track down the hats while I was serving salads and drinks and removing salad plates and soups bowls. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart!".
She looked shocked, and if she's a letter writer I am probably finished with my "career" at (name of my restaurant). The rest of the meal went by without much incident. I think this lady had the wind in her sail removed by a cynical server that had taken just a bit too much crap for one evening. I removed the plates and filled water glasses around the table again. Where exactly was my busboy all night? Sneaking out back sucking down tequila? Smoking some mota? I don't know where the hell he was, but he sure as hell wasn't filling my tables waters, or wrapping food, or clearing tables.
SO around 10 minutes to midnight they pull out the cheap complimentary champagne for the countdown. I am still topping off coffees and clearing the table for lovely 61. I take my last tray of dirty dishes and plates off the table and am coming to the table to see if anybody is interested in a complimentary champagne glass to toast in the new year. As I get to the table the rude lady blabs out, "Aren't we going to get our FREE champagne?". "Ma'am, it is 11:53 and I am coming to the table right now to see who wants the complimentary champagne....". All 7 of them want the freebies. Surprise? No way.
So I split the checks---with the added gratuity----and served them to the table. Finally the table seemed to lighten up a bit towards me. If I would have known that I would have snagged a bottle of that wretched free champagne an hour ago!
Happy New Year! Hope I see you in 2009----at another servers table. May God Bless, Ma'am.
I would also like to thank the customers that are NICE, polite, FRIENDLY (or at least non-hostile!) and decent people. People that are understanding if their entrees take longer on one of the busiest nights of the year (New Year's Eve). These people are the backbone of the restaurant industry, and I personally thank each and every one of them. Believe it or not, there are a small percentage of customers that fuel all the blogs of disgruntled food servers all around the world. To those people I say "HAVE A NICE DAY, ASSHOLE! Oh, and Happy New Year!".
Last night was crazy. My restaurant had over 1,200 reservations from 3PM through 11:15PM. On a busy Saturday night we would probably have 600 or so reservations, so we knew it was going to be very busy. When you know it is going to be busy you take time to stock enough spoons, forks, to go containers (all sizes with different sized souffle cups and lids to wrap up cole slaw or extra salad dressing....). The kitchen also tries to prep the signature dishes (prime rib, BBQ ribs, twice baked potatoes...). No matter how hard you try, or how much you stock it is NEVER enough. I never get over how somebody can get upset if we run out of the daily special at 10PM on New Year's Eve.
It would be one thing if a couple specifically made reservations for dinner at 5:30 so that they could enjoy their favorite entree or appetizer (or dessert....) and we ran out of it at 5:30. Then I could understand getting upset. But if you come in at 10:30PM on New Year's Eve and find we ran out of prime rib---which takes 4 hours to roast, don't get your undies in a bunch. Same with smoked BBQ ribs. We can't take a slab out of the freezer and zap 'em in the microwave. They are hand rubbed with a dry rub, then smoked in hickory wood, then cooked in the broiler.
Through one misunderstanding after another, on of my tables sat vacant for over three hours on the busiest night of the year. I wasn't exactly quiet about it either. I mentioned it to the hostess. "Oh, they have checked in.", she tells me. 30 minutes later she says "Only 4 of the 7 showed up so we put them at 74. There's another party at 5:45....". I talk to the manager and he says he'll look into it.... Apparently that's all he does islook into it. Another hour or so goes by and finally I get my first party at table 61. It is 4 couples that are in their 70's that have play tickets to the Marriot theater and have to order and be served immediately! Ha ha ha!
During this time my other three tables are turning and being sat again. Somehow I do the miraculous and serve the 8 people salads, tend to my other tables, and enter their dinner order. As the meal was completing they handed me 4 credit cards and 3 frequent diner cards. MAJOR PAIN IN THE ASS! My restaurant's computer is a pain in the ass for splitting up checks and frequent diner points. With some systems it will actually divide and separate checks into two parties, three parties, four parties.... Not our system. Our system you manually put in the dollar amount, then swipe the credit card. After the card is approved, you have to put in the next dollar amount, then hit CREDIT CARD AUTHORIZATION. At this point a new window pops up and it asks you to enter 1) New credit card or 2) The first credit card's number---like you are going to re-ring it.
By this time the server behind you is acting agitated and rudely asks, "Are you going to be long?". "Yeah, 4 credit cards and 3 frequent diners...". "OH SHIT!" the server behind me blurts out. Now I enter the third credit card and go through the extra windows and wait for approval. Now I can enter the fourth and final credit card. "Phew, that was a close one!" , I thought to myself as I got the last credit card signed off. Now for the ferschluggener frequent diner points. I entered one third of the amount and hit ISSUE POINTS. I swipe the first card and wait. And wait. And wait. Then the computer refreshes it's screen and says "Next". I look confused because my trusty and reliable computer didn't print out a hard copy of the points. Oh well......
I entered one third of the amount and again hit ISSUE POINTS. Then I swiped the second card and waited. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi..... Then a horrible evil terrible screen pops up "EXCEEDS POINTS". What this meant in English was that even though I typed in one third of the amount before I swiped MR Kaufman's card, it gave him ALL the frequent diner points. I went running around the madhouse restaurant looking for a manager to fix this problem, to simply wave his manager card and make it go away. I find "Stuart" and tell him the quandary I am in. "I can fix this in a minute---first I have to go and blah blah blah....". I didn't listen to the rest. I knew these old timers were very impatiently chomping at the bit (or their dentures). I look around and see another manager that doesn't like to have to fix problems and bypass him.
I am alone on this one with my back to the wall. I walk up to the table plotting my monologue. I told the table that I split the check into 4 equal parts, as they had requested me too, BUT somehow the frequent diner points computer assigned all the points to Mr Kaufman. I pointed out that I could have the manager fix it by going into the office, going online and entering the correct amounts on each of their respective accounts. I told them it would take several minutes, and that I heard them say that they were late for a theater at the Marriott. After several seconds I also added that since it was Mr Kaufman's birthday that evening, it would be a generous "gift" to give him the frequent diner points.
I knew there would be nobody with big enough balls to say "Bernie doesn't deserve 238 points---I WANT MINE!". SO they left for the Marriott theater. Again table 61 sat unoccupied for another 30-45 minutes. God Bless the hostesses!
I got my last table at 61 around 10:30 and one of the diners said, "The manager said we can do separate checks, and it is OK for you to add the gratuity". First of all, it is not OK to add the gratuity for groups of 6 or more, it is MANDATORY in my company (that is, my restaurant and all of the other 30 or 40 restaurants that are owned by the company) to add a gratuity to ALL parties of 6 or more. There was a lawsuit some years back that one minority family felt insulted that THEY were charged the gratuity, but some white table next to them were NOT charged the gratuity. Big lawsuit, and ALL parties of 6 or more get the gratuity.
Already I don't like this table. The way the guy told me about the separate checks instead of asking made him a prick. And he generously offered to pay the gratuity that was on the table before he sat his fat ass down.... What a schmuck. Anyways, I put on my happy face and say "Happy New Year and welcome to (name of my restaurant).". I tell them that we are out of the BBQ ribs and one lady gets very upset. I am thinking to myself, "It's after 10:30, lady. We did over 1,300 covers for the day. No BBQ ribs. Get over it!". Instead I just smile and go over the rest of the specials.
After I got the table their shrimp cocktails, soups and salads I entered their order. Somehow the subject of ribs comes up later and it comes out that we still have the St Louis Spare ribs. "You didn't tell me that!", the lady barks. Again, I am thinking to myself, "I said we are out of BBQ ribs, I didn't say anything about the St Louis Mustard spare ribs...". Now she asks a stupid question: "Did you put our order in yet?". UN-FRIGGIN' BELIEVABLE, LADY! I try to maintain composure, which is extremely difficult to do after being stampeded by diners that are in a hurry for almost 10 hours at this point. "Yes Ma'am. I entered your order after I served your salads. Your order should be out any minute now....". She shut up.
Now on any other night I would have offered her the option of making another selection, but by now it was after 11:00PM on New Year's Eve, and she had placed her order over 25 minutes ago. The food would be up any second, and I didn't have the heart to tell the kitchen manager about the changes. Or the cooks, who were cleaning up the ovens and grills and broilers by now. I also didn't have the nerve or desire to tell the manager that he would have to COMP a meal ("comped" as it had been prepared), to take it off the separate check, and to add a "DON'T MAKE" to another meal for this lady. Not at 11:15 on New Year's Eve. Not for this rude lady.
One point I forgot to mention was that at 10:30 when the table was seated in my station the rude lady barked out "We want out New Year's hats!". At 10:30 they didn't exist. All of a sudden at 11PM they were practically nonexistent. I grabbed 7 noise makers and the last "derby" hat and the last two "princess" hats and walked to the table. "I TOLD YOU I WANTED HATS", this lady blabs out. I lost my cool and said "Ma'am, I haven't been away from this table since the moment you sat down. I haven't had a chance to track down the hats while I was serving salads and drinks and removing salad plates and soups bowls. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart!".
She looked shocked, and if she's a letter writer I am probably finished with my "career" at (name of my restaurant). The rest of the meal went by without much incident. I think this lady had the wind in her sail removed by a cynical server that had taken just a bit too much crap for one evening. I removed the plates and filled water glasses around the table again. Where exactly was my busboy all night? Sneaking out back sucking down tequila? Smoking some mota? I don't know where the hell he was, but he sure as hell wasn't filling my tables waters, or wrapping food, or clearing tables.
SO around 10 minutes to midnight they pull out the cheap complimentary champagne for the countdown. I am still topping off coffees and clearing the table for lovely 61. I take my last tray of dirty dishes and plates off the table and am coming to the table to see if anybody is interested in a complimentary champagne glass to toast in the new year. As I get to the table the rude lady blabs out, "Aren't we going to get our FREE champagne?". "Ma'am, it is 11:53 and I am coming to the table right now to see who wants the complimentary champagne....". All 7 of them want the freebies. Surprise? No way.
So I split the checks---with the added gratuity----and served them to the table. Finally the table seemed to lighten up a bit towards me. If I would have known that I would have snagged a bottle of that wretched free champagne an hour ago!
Happy New Year! Hope I see you in 2009----at another servers table. May God Bless, Ma'am.
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