The Server Blues....

Wow, I can't believe it has been over three months since my last entry. Time goes by so fast in general, and much more so when you are a server. When you work weekends and are off on Mon or Tues life is very disorienting, and time goes by like greased lightning. All of a sudden I have three months between my entries. Not good, but what can you do when you work 5 or 6 days a week? You finally get a day off where you don't have a dentist appointment or doctors appointment or have to take your car in for a tune up and the last thing you feel like doing is writing a journal about work. Anyways, that is the subject of todays journal: The server blues.

I am not talking about the general blues like the guests that are ultra demanding and need to be molly cuddled through their entire dining experience, or people being overly generous with ordering food and less so when it comes time to tip the poor server, or managers that were savagely picked on as kids in a position of authority where they can mess with you. I am talking more about the server lifestyle in general.

First of all, most servers work evenings and are off days when most friends, family and associates are working---kind of like a vampire sleeping by day and working and partying by night. In other words you are generally off during the day, but have none of your friends or family to spend the day with (unless they are also servers or maybe 3rd shift nurses, etc.). Also the servers greatest payoff shifts are usually on the weekends. All your buddies meeting on Sunday for a tailgate party before the Bears game? Too bad, you are forced to be at work to bust your balls on some wedding shower party with a very lean budget (and even leaner gratuity). Be there by 10:30 after closing on Saturday night. Oh, and when the ladies have barely begun opening gifts at 2:45 and are supposed to be out of the banquet facility by 3PM per their signed contract the manager will start to tell the servers "YOU had better make sure they are out of their by 3PM. We need that room for another party....".

Like it is the servers fault that a party of 40 women show up VERY late, talk too much (can you believe that one?), eat too much and open gifts way too slow. By the time all is said and done, from the early in-time for the servers on the party, to the silverware polishing, to setting the placemats and steak knifes, to orchestrating 40+ hungry women through a three course family style meal, to removing the plates, glasses, flatware and setting up for dessert, and cleaning the dessert plates and coffees and rolling 45 sets of silverware you can expect to make $30 give or take. Good times! Once in a great while the guests "duke" the servers an additional amount, but I can probably count the amount of times that happened on both hands.

That is another part of the blues---the parties get a 20% gratuity before taxes. This sounds like a lot of money, but when you consider what is involved and what is taken for the house, there isn't a lot left over for the servers. Yeah, the gratuity is 20%. but the girls that plan the parties get 2%, and 4 1/2% goes for busboys, bartenders and food runners. After the 6 1/2% is taken right off the top for the house there is a 13 1/5% gratuity left over----for the servers to equally split. If there are only two servers on a party, the 20% gratuity gets roughly split equally between the two servers and the house. Yes, that's right---the house can make as much or more than the servers that are busting their balls doing the actual work. Good times! When there are 4 or 5 servers on a party it can come down to 1 or 2% for each server. When the party is for 40 people the tip can literally be less than $20 or 30 per server. Gotta love those wedding/baby showers.

Family gathering at your Aunt's house next Sunday where you would have an opportunity to see some cousins that you haven't seen in 4 or 5 years because they live in California? Too bad, you are working a Sunday baby shower for some terribly snobbish guests that talk to you like you are their personal butler or assistant instead of a server at a restaurant. Some real jackpot people! This one time a lady spent an extra $245 for Halloween orange linens for her daughters wedding shower. She spends an extra $245 on ugly linens, but doesn't throw the servers an extra crumb?

Another part of the server blues is that servers have to work on major holidays like Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Easter.... Some restaurants have seniority on some of those special holidays, and some do not. Seniority can also differ greatly from establishment to establishment. At some restaurants you might still be the "rookie" or "new kid" after working there five years! When I worked at the Crabhouse I had almost 12 years under my belt and was going to have to work the 4th of July weekend. After 12 years of busting my balls serving garlic rolls and Mai Tai's I was supposed to work on the 4th of July---a DEAD holiday (unless it is raining outside).

Ask my Mom. This year we celebrated Mother's Day on the Monday after, like every other year. You see, I had to be at work on Mother's Day by 9:45 and didn't get a break or see daylight or moonlight until after 10:30PM. Over 12 hours on my feet without a break. At least I got to call my Mother early that morning to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I had a streak of missing Easter brunch with my family 5 years in a row, including the last Easter at my late Grandmother's house. Them server blues....

Another of the servers blues has to do with seniority and working lunches. At my current restaurant a lunch can range from making dog-crap money ($15-20 for the shift) to making great money ($85-100 for a lunch shift). There are a LOT more dog crap days than "great days". There really is no rhyme or reason to the money either. One couple can come in and split a french dip sandwich and salad and have an $18 lunch check. Another group of 4 businessman can have a $150 lunch. You make percentages off of the total amount of the check, so you can see how your income can vary greatly. Six ladies can have six Cosmopolitan martinis (at $9.50 a pop), a chopped salad, and six entries and have a $130 check. ANother six ladies have six waters (NO ICE!, with lemons and waters), and split a large chopped salad and literally have a $20 check (not a typo----$20 check for six ladies). It is insane what can happen to you---just ask about Murphy's Law.

Lunches in general should be considered a 4 letter word. The real money is with the dinner shifts. Entries are more expensive, customers are more apt to have a "starter" or appetizer, and customers are more likely to drink. Dinners are definitely more prestigous than working lunches, and often lunches are based on seniority. The new kids work up to 5 or 6 lunches with NO DINNERS. After a while* (* "a while" can very greatly to one month to six or seven months, depending on the needs of the house!) you get promoted to nights. At first your schedule will have one or two nights (Sunday and Monday most likely) and 5 lunches. As you get seniority and climb up the ladder you get more dinners and less lunches. You also get better stations, and with seniority you get scheduled less holidays like Christmas Eve, Memorial Day......

Another "blues" for the server has to do with working doubles at the restaurant. On Saturday or Sunday it is feasible to work an 11 or 12 hour day without a break, due to the fact that lunch and dinner overlap and the restaurant doesn't close between lunch and dinner on those days. Other days you can be scheduled to close lunch and have to be back as an opener at 4PM (again, NO BREAK). Doubles are not only physically demanding, they are incredible tedious on the mental side too. Something about not seeing the outside world (not a lot of windows at my place) has a psychological impact on you. Just ask anybody doing time in jail. Windows make a big difference! So you are working lunch and straight thru dinner without a break for the third time this week? You know you have them server blues!