New Year's Eve

First of all, a happy and healthy New Year to all of my readers and co-workers that work in the trenches of the restaurant industry serving food. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back and say "Nice job!", because you probably won't hear anybody else say that to you.

I would also like to thank the customers that are NICE, polite, FRIENDLY (or at least non-hostile!) and decent people. People that are understanding if their entrees take longer on one of the busiest nights of the year (New Year's Eve). These people are the backbone of the restaurant industry, and I personally thank each and every one of them. Believe it or not, there are a small percentage of customers that fuel all the blogs of disgruntled food servers all around the world. To those people I say "HAVE A NICE DAY, ASSHOLE! Oh, and Happy New Year!".

Last night was crazy. My restaurant had over 1,200 reservations from 3PM through 11:15PM. On a busy Saturday night we would probably have 600 or so reservations, so we knew it was going to be very busy. When you know it is going to be busy you take time to stock enough spoons, forks, to go containers (all sizes with different sized souffle cups and lids to wrap up cole slaw or extra salad dressing....). The kitchen also tries to prep the signature dishes (prime rib, BBQ ribs, twice baked potatoes...). No matter how hard you try, or how much you stock it is NEVER enough. I never get over how somebody can get upset if we run out of the daily special at 10PM on New Year's Eve.

It would be one thing if a couple specifically made reservations for dinner at 5:30 so that they could enjoy their favorite entree or appetizer (or dessert....) and we ran out of it at 5:30. Then I could understand getting upset. But if you come in at 10:30PM on New Year's Eve and find we ran out of prime rib---which takes 4 hours to roast, don't get your undies in a bunch. Same with smoked BBQ ribs. We can't take a slab out of the freezer and zap 'em in the microwave. They are hand rubbed with a dry rub, then smoked in hickory wood, then cooked in the broiler.

Through one misunderstanding after another, on of my tables sat vacant for over three hours on the busiest night of the year. I wasn't exactly quiet about it either. I mentioned it to the hostess. "Oh, they have checked in.", she tells me. 30 minutes later she says "Only 4 of the 7 showed up so we put them at 74. There's another party at 5:45....". I talk to the manager and he says he'll look into it.... Apparently that's all he does islook into it. Another hour or so goes by and finally I get my first party at table 61. It is 4 couples that are in their 70's that have play tickets to the Marriot theater and have to order and be served immediately! Ha ha ha!

During this time my other three tables are turning and being sat again. Somehow I do the miraculous and serve the 8 people salads, tend to my other tables, and enter their dinner order. As the meal was completing they handed me 4 credit cards and 3 frequent diner cards. MAJOR PAIN IN THE ASS! My restaurant's computer is a pain in the ass for splitting up checks and frequent diner points. With some systems it will actually divide and separate checks into two parties, three parties, four parties.... Not our system. Our system you manually put in the dollar amount, then swipe the credit card. After the card is approved, you have to put in the next dollar amount, then hit CREDIT CARD AUTHORIZATION. At this point a new window pops up and it asks you to enter 1) New credit card or 2) The first credit card's number---like you are going to re-ring it.

By this time the server behind you is acting agitated and rudely asks, "Are you going to be long?". "Yeah, 4 credit cards and 3 frequent diners...". "OH SHIT!" the server behind me blurts out. Now I enter the third credit card and go through the extra windows and wait for approval. Now I can enter the fourth and final credit card. "Phew, that was a close one!" , I thought to myself as I got the last credit card signed off. Now for the ferschluggener frequent diner points. I entered one third of the amount and hit ISSUE POINTS. I swipe the first card and wait. And wait. And wait. Then the computer refreshes it's screen and says "Next". I look confused because my trusty and reliable computer didn't print out a hard copy of the points. Oh well......

I entered one third of the amount and again hit ISSUE POINTS. Then I swiped the second card and waited. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi..... Then a horrible evil terrible screen pops up "EXCEEDS POINTS". What this meant in English was that even though I typed in one third of the amount before I swiped MR Kaufman's card, it gave him ALL the frequent diner points. I went running around the madhouse restaurant looking for a manager to fix this problem, to simply wave his manager card and make it go away. I find "Stuart" and tell him the quandary I am in. "I can fix this in a minute---first I have to go and blah blah blah....". I didn't listen to the rest. I knew these old timers were very impatiently chomping at the bit (or their dentures). I look around and see another manager that doesn't like to have to fix problems and bypass him.

I am alone on this one with my back to the wall. I walk up to the table plotting my monologue. I told the table that I split the check into 4 equal parts, as they had requested me too, BUT somehow the frequent diner points computer assigned all the points to Mr Kaufman. I pointed out that I could have the manager fix it by going into the office, going online and entering the correct amounts on each of their respective accounts. I told them it would take several minutes, and that I heard them say that they were late for a theater at the Marriott. After several seconds I also added that since it was Mr Kaufman's birthday that evening, it would be a generous "gift" to give him the frequent diner points.

I knew there would be nobody with big enough balls to say "Bernie doesn't deserve 238 points---I WANT MINE!". SO they left for the Marriott theater. Again table 61 sat unoccupied for another 30-45 minutes. God Bless the hostesses!

I got my last table at 61 around 10:30 and one of the diners said, "The manager said we can do separate checks, and it is OK for you to add the gratuity". First of all, it is not OK to add the gratuity for groups of 6 or more, it is MANDATORY in my company (that is, my restaurant and all of the other 30 or 40 restaurants that are owned by the company) to add a gratuity to ALL parties of 6 or more. There was a lawsuit some years back that one minority family felt insulted that THEY were charged the gratuity, but some white table next to them were NOT charged the gratuity. Big lawsuit, and ALL parties of 6 or more get the gratuity.

Already I don't like this table. The way the guy told me about the separate checks instead of asking made him a prick. And he generously offered to pay the gratuity that was on the table before he sat his fat ass down.... What a schmuck. Anyways, I put on my happy face and say "Happy New Year and welcome to (name of my restaurant).". I tell them that we are out of the BBQ ribs and one lady gets very upset. I am thinking to myself, "It's after 10:30, lady. We did over 1,300 covers for the day. No BBQ ribs. Get over it!". Instead I just smile and go over the rest of the specials.

After I got the table their shrimp cocktails, soups and salads I entered their order. Somehow the subject of ribs comes up later and it comes out that we still have the St Louis Spare ribs. "You didn't tell me that!", the lady barks. Again, I am thinking to myself, "I said we are out of BBQ ribs, I didn't say anything about the St Louis Mustard spare ribs...". Now she asks a stupid question: "Did you put our order in yet?". UN-FRIGGIN' BELIEVABLE, LADY! I try to maintain composure, which is extremely difficult to do after being stampeded by diners that are in a hurry for almost 10 hours at this point. "Yes Ma'am. I entered your order after I served your salads. Your order should be out any minute now....". She shut up.

Now on any other night I would have offered her the option of making another selection, but by now it was after 11:00PM on New Year's Eve, and she had placed her order over 25 minutes ago. The food would be up any second, and I didn't have the heart to tell the kitchen manager about the changes. Or the cooks, who were cleaning up the ovens and grills and broilers by now. I also didn't have the nerve or desire to tell the manager that he would have to COMP a meal ("comped" as it had been prepared), to take it off the separate check, and to add a "DON'T MAKE" to another meal for this lady. Not at 11:15 on New Year's Eve. Not for this rude lady.

One point I forgot to mention was that at 10:30 when the table was seated in my station the rude lady barked out "We want out New Year's hats!". At 10:30 they didn't exist. All of a sudden at 11PM they were practically nonexistent. I grabbed 7 noise makers and the last "derby" hat and the last two "princess" hats and walked to the table. "I TOLD YOU I WANTED HATS", this lady blabs out. I lost my cool and said "Ma'am, I haven't been away from this table since the moment you sat down. I haven't had a chance to track down the hats while I was serving salads and drinks and removing salad plates and soups bowls. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart!".

She looked shocked, and if she's a letter writer I am probably finished with my "career" at (name of my restaurant). The rest of the meal went by without much incident. I think this lady had the wind in her sail removed by a cynical server that had taken just a bit too much crap for one evening. I removed the plates and filled water glasses around the table again. Where exactly was my busboy all night? Sneaking out back sucking down tequila? Smoking some mota? I don't know where the hell he was, but he sure as hell wasn't filling my tables waters, or wrapping food, or clearing tables.

SO around 10 minutes to midnight they pull out the cheap complimentary champagne for the countdown. I am still topping off coffees and clearing the table for lovely 61. I take my last tray of dirty dishes and plates off the table and am coming to the table to see if anybody is interested in a complimentary champagne glass to toast in the new year. As I get to the table the rude lady blabs out, "Aren't we going to get our FREE champagne?". "Ma'am, it is 11:53 and I am coming to the table right now to see who wants the complimentary champagne....". All 7 of them want the freebies. Surprise? No way.

So I split the checks---with the added gratuity----and served them to the table. Finally the table seemed to lighten up a bit towards me. If I would have known that I would have snagged a bottle of that wretched free champagne an hour ago!

Happy New Year! Hope I see you in 2009----at another servers table. May God Bless, Ma'am.